


Once Upon a Full Moon

by Stripe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Animal Death, Illustrated, Multi, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2018-05-30 05:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6410260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stripe/pseuds/Stripe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Rose move to the west coast to get away from their problems and find some monsters. What they find instead are John and Jade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello AO3 and welcome to the fic!
> 
> This was originally written for NaNoWriMo 2015, and it's taken me this long to begin the editing process. I'm not done with the fic yet, but as of now I have it fully outlined and I am almost exactly halfway through a rough draft, so hopefully we can see this one through to completion.
> 
> I'll be adding character/pairing/additional tags as they become relevant in the story.
> 
> Enjoy!

“We’re here.”

Dave snorts awake as he finally feels the car lurch to a halt, marking the end of their journey. He scoots up from his slumped position in the front seat and squints at the harsh reality of day before fixing his shades to block it out. 

“God, how long was I out?” he asks, looking to his left. Rose had volunteered to make the entire drive to their new home by herself, and for once she’s not masking how tired she is. Her hair is unbrushed, her make-up smudged, and she isn’t fixing him with her usual smarmy “I know all” smile. It's a relief in some ways. It’s nice to know that Rose Lalonde is actually human.

“A few hours," she responds. "You certainly missed the most boring leg of the trip. The entire state of Minnesota is flat, empty, and entirely awful.” Rose uses the rear-view mirror to fine-tune her appearance, brushing out a few obvious tangles in her hair. “But now here we are, in the land of forests, rain, and rumors.”

Dave looks out the window, still trying to blink out some of the sleep from his eyes. They’re pulled up in a driveway of a nice one-story home in the middle of some equally nice suburbs. His eyebrows shoot up a tick. “Is this our new pad?”

Rose nods. “It is, though the movers have yet to arrive.”

“Well, I’m gonna go check it out.” Dave slides out of the car and onto the driveway, taking in a huge breath of fresh air. It’s one hell of a departure from the city, but he isn’t sure yet if he likes it or not. He is equally unsure of the house. It has a front yard and trees and a driveway, and it isn't directly attached to any other homes or buildings. The entire place is theirs - no landlord, no above stairs neighbors, nothing. 

So this is what it’s like to be a homeowner.

Well, Rose is the technical homeowner here. The house is under her name; Dave's just along for the ride. She hasn't made it clear why she invited him to make the move with her, but Dave expects that she would be lonely otherwise - and with free rent, he's not exactly complaining.

"Yes, we just got here. Where, exactly, are you?" Rose steps out of the car a moment later, her phone out and an irritated expression on her face. Dave silently mimes a grabby motion with one hand, looking expectant. Rose rolls her eyes, but tosses him the new house key as she listens to whoever is on the other line. Dave catches it expertly, like a pro basketball pitcher or something, then gives her the coolest thumbs up he can.

He's practically jittering with excitement as he walks up to the front door. The lock takes some fiddling, just because he's unused to it, but finally the front door swings open. Dave savors the moment, taking a slow first step inside, breathing in that nice, new house smell.

Well, fine. It mostly smells like wood and emptiness, but it doesn’t smell like trash or rats, which is more than he can say for his last apartment.

With the dramatic entrance set and taken care of, Dave begins a quick tour of the place. There isn't much to see. Two bedrooms: a master bedroom for Rose, and a normal bedroom for him. Two bathrooms, one connected to the master bedroom. (He spends some sweet time in this one, knowing that one Rose is fully moved in, it will very likely end up off-limits.) One kitchen, with a dishwasher and oven and everything. There’s even a laundry room. Dave runs his hands along the washer and dryer in awe for a moment.

 _Free laundry_. Holy shit, they are really going to be living in the life of luxury here. 

He’s about to run the washer just for the hell of it when Rose stomps in, her eyes narrowed and her lips pulled into an ugly frown. The effect is heightened by the dark smudges of makeup around her eyes - she looks a little bit like a Disney villain gone terribly, terribly wrong. 

He'll still issue a standard friendly greeting: “Hey Rose, what’s-”

“Our moving van crashed.”

Oh. “Well, shit. Is our stuff okay?”

Rose _sighs_. “It didn’t sound like it got totaled, but I do worry for some of our more delicate belongings. I made it clear to the man on the phone that we will be reimbursed for any damage.” She runs a hand through her hair, brushing her bangs back until they stick up a little, which only adds to the impression that she's out to ruin some doe-eyed princess's day. “They did say that they would get our furniture to us as soon as possible, but that it won’t be here until tomorrow. And that is at the absolute _earliest_.”

Dave regards this thoughtfully. That means no bed. No couch. Not even a couple of chairs they can push together. And hell, where did the blankets end up again? Are those in the back of the car or the back of the moving van? 

“Well, hey, at least we got a washer and dryer, right? Who needs flat surfaces to sleep on?”

Rose shakes her head. She's clearly not in the mood. “Get your things out of the car. It's time for an emergency Target trip.”

\----

It’s about a fifteen minute drive to Target, which is on the other side of town, nestled in among the small commercial district and surrounded by a measly few strip malls. Once there, it’s an unspoken challenge to see who can come up with the best bed substitute. Both of them grab their own shopping cart and set off without a word. The Target is fairly empty, since it's mid-day on a Thursday, so it doesn't take much for them to meet up again at the cash registers after about fifteen minutes. 

Dave raises an eyebrow as he takes in the contents of Rose's shopping cart - a bunch of pillows and about six yoga mats. He tuts and shakes his head.

“Rose, I think it's obvious who's won here," he says, gesturing at his own cart. He's got a blanket and two beanbag chairs - the clearly superior makeshift bed. "I've only got two giant bags that are soft and comfortable. Much more efficient. Plus, even when we get the beds, we still have beanbags around. It’s a win-win.”

Rose snorts, brushing some of her hair back over her shoulder like a popular girl villain from a Disney Channel show. “You're clearly in the wrong here, Dave. My small pile of yoga mats will be far more comfortable, _and_ less of an eyesore. Once we have the beds, we can open up our own yoga studio. As I understand it, those are quite popular these days.”

“Okay, no. No way. We are not having a bunch of people in yoga pants invade our new home. I'm not going to risk wandering out of my room in my boxers only to walk in on a room of cute girls in tight pants contorting themselves in the name of wellness and exercise.”

Rose lets out a snort of laughter. “It would be a financial boon. We could pay back the entirety of the house, Dave.”

He squints at her. “I thought your mom paid for it.”

“Well, yes, but I would consider that an insignificant detail in the grand scheme of things. You can never go wrong with more money.” Rose brushes another hand through her hair. “Besides. At least there are room for other things in my cart other than yoga mats. The same can’t be said about your bean bags.”

She gestures toward his cart, which is indeed completely filled by his two bean bag chairs. Dave shrugs, and pulls an Adam Sandler DVD off of a nearby shelf, dropping it into Rose’s cart. “Don’t need room in my cart when you’ve made room in yours with your shitty sleeping solution.”

Rose shoots him an icy stare. “Put that back.”

“Nah, you do it.”

“That would violate my very strict policy of never touching anything that Sandler has gotten his hands on. Put it back or I am kicking you out of my house.”

Dave gives her a put-upon sigh as he gingerly removes the Sandler DVD and puts it back among its discounted brethren. He has the feeling she's going to be holding the house ownership over his head for a long time. “Fine, suit yourself.”

He still manages to sneak a few things into Rose’s cart, of course. By the time she reaches checkout, she’s placing the Community season 1 DVD, a tacky Halloween crow, a pack of sharpies, and an entire jug of apple juice onto her conveyor belt. She raises an eyebrow, but lets them slide along to get scanned, and so Dave gets his things paid for.

The cashier, on the other hand, perks up when her four yoga mats need to be scanned.

“Oh, are you guys new here?”

That catches Dave’s attention. Usually cashiers just go through the whole "How are you, have a nice day" recited script; not only has this guy deviated, but he's managed to guess something about their personal lives. He looks up.

The cashier is pretty young - probably just around their age - with rectangular glasses and a mop of dark hair that probably hasn’t seen a hairbrush in a couple of days. When he smiles, he reveals a distinctive set of buck teeth. His name tag helpfully reads “John.”

Dave squints his eyes at "John." “Yeah. Who needs to know? How do you know? Are you psychic or something, because I’m pretty sure that kind of sh- stuff should come with a label, like, you know, a tattoo on your forehead that tells everybody ‘hey everybody, I’ve got hella ESP over here, so you’d better not get too close or I’m going to reveal all of your deepest darkest secrets to everybody.’”

“Do ignore him,” Rose intercedes, nudging his shopping cart back into his gut in an effort to shut him up. “He runs at the mouth in an attempt to cover up his overwhelming insecurities. Still, he raises a point. How did you know?”

John shrugs. “Well, I didn’t recognize you guys, and the stuff you’re buying doesn’t seem like the kind of things that tourists would buy.” He gestures to Dave’s cart. “Like, bean bag chairs are a pain in the butt to transport! Are you just moving in?”

“Yes, actually,” Rose responds. “We’ve been in town for maybe an hour now, if that. Now, please don’t tell me that you have the face of everybody in town memorized. I know we aren’t exactly in a large city here, but I'd hoped I'd not picked a place with a small town mentality either.” 

“Oh no, no, it’s nothing like that.” John is holding the sharpies in his hands, decidedly not scanning them as he waves them around. “It’s more that you don’t get a lot of people our age living around here, and I’m at least familiar with all of their faces by now. But all of the old people kind of blend together, you know?” He shrugs, then finally scans the sharpies through. “Honestly, it’s nice seeing some other people who aren’t like a hundred around here! How old are you two? Just out of college?”

“More or less,” Rose says. “Both of us are twenty-five. Born a day apart.”

John looks between the two of them with a raised eyebrow. “Oh, are you two siblings or something, then? You do kind of look alike.”

Dave shakes his head. “No. No way. I’m from Texas, home of cattle, rednecks, and fire ants. She's from New York. Totally different beasts.”

“Okay, okay, wow.” John holds up his hands defensively. It’s a good thing that nobody is behind them right now, because John is being horribly inefficient at cashiering. “So, boyfriend and girlfriend then? Or married? Engaged?”

“None of the above,” Rose corrects, very quickly. “Simply friends.”

“So roommates.” John shrugs. “What brings you two out here, then? There's not a lot of exciting things out here. Or job opportunities.” He says that last bit with some amount of disdain. Dave is guessing that “Target cashier” wasn’t high on John’s list of career choices. 

“I’m actually here for an investigation, of sorts,” Rose explains. “You have some very interesting rumors about the woods around here, and I would like to try and track down the source. Most people believe that it’s simply folklore and superstition, but I want to prove otherwise, if possible.”

“Ohhhh.” John's eyes light up with a sudden realization. “So you’re one of those monster hunters?”

Rose purses her lips. “I suppose 'monster hunter' is a term you could use. I’d like to think my pursuits are a little more scientific than the average cryptid enthusiast, however.”

John laughs and literally waves her off with the jug of apple juice. “Yeah, well, not to be rude, but that’s kind of what they all say! Most of them just go to a motel or something, though. They don’t actually move in.”

This allows Rose to preen a little bit. “Yes, well, I have higher ambitions than they do. Which is why I intend to find the thing in the woods, while they end up empty-handed.”

“Well, that’s pretty cool," John grants. Then his attention is on Dave. “So what about you? Are you also here to hunt down monsters?”

Dave shakes his head. “Nah, I’m mostly just along for the ride. Rose here was all like, ‘Hey Dave, I need to go and find a flesh-eating terror monster in order to make my mom shit her pants, but I’ll get lonely if you don’t come with me, so move to the middle of bumfuck nowhere with me.’” Rose shoots him a withering glare, but Dave's expression remains impassive. He's sticking to the truth, dammit.

“And you said yes?” John asks, incredulous. He’s finally managed to scan the first yoga mat in.

“No, of course not. She offered to pay my rent, and _that’s_ when I said yes.”

Then John’s looking back to Rose again. “Wow! So you must be loaded!”

“My mother has a number of patented inventions,” Rose explains, though the corners of her lips twitch downward at the mention of her mom. “Thankfully, she is a very generous parent, and is more than willing to support my investigative endeavors. Truthfully, I think she is just funding this so that I will feel more foolish when I inevitably fail, but I intend to prove her quite wrong with my big scientific debut.”

“Huh.” John scans the next yoga mat. “Well, If you ever want me to show you around town, then I can do that! Me and my roommate moved here a couple of years back, so I know what it’s like to feel sort of lost and new here. It’s pretty intimidating, even though the town isn't that big.”

“I think I would appreciate that actually,” Rose says. “How can I contact you?”

“Oh! Well, my number is, uh… here.”

And then, rather than just letting Rose plug his number into her phone like a normal person might have done, John reaches over and pulls out one of Dave’s newly purchased sharpies to scrawl his number across the front of the Community DVD. Dave cringes. That isn’t going to wash off. 

“So yeah! Feel free to call me or text me or whatever, and we can meet up and I can show you all the cool places around town!”

Rose picks up the scrawled upon DVD with her trademark Lalonde-ian smirk on her face. “Well, that’s quite the generous offer. I do think we’ll have to take you up on it. Right Dave?”

“Yeah. Though, you know, there are probably better ways of going about it than writing on my brand new season box set. It’s no longer in mint condition. Like, maybe if you were Donald Glover or something, it’d be more awesome, but this is just a travesty.”

John laughs, and he does not seem at all sorry about ruining Dave’s DVDs. “Well, sorry! I’ll try to remember that for next time.”

"Ah- _hem_."

Dave jumps slightly and looks back over his shoulder at the sudden noise, only to find that there's an old woman standing behind them, one hand on her hip as her foot taps impatiently on the tiled floor.

"Oh, geez, sorry about that, miss!" John says, and suddenly he's scanning things at the speed of light, trying to clear Rose's cart. "Slide your card there please, miss... uh, you know I never caught your name?"

Rose slides her credit card through - undoubtedly all of these purchases are going to her mom's account. "Rose," she says. "And my tag along is called Dave."

John hands her the receipt with a brilliant smile across his face. "Well, it's nice to meet you Rose and Dave. Hope to hear from you soon!"

\----

Dave and Rose return to their house and immediately begin to set up their makeshift beds. Without speaking a word of it to the other, they come to the consensus that they’re both setting up their temporary beds in the living room rather than their own rooms. Dave isn’t sure if this is a game of direct one upmanship, or whether they just want to spend their first night sleeping in the same room as each other.

(If anybody else finds out, though, it’s the former.)

Dave quickly finds that his bean bag plan has a few problems. If he tries to support his head and his legs, he ends up slipping down in between the beanbags, forming a human “V” shape. If he tries to support his legs and his butt, then his head is lowered to the ground, and all of the blood ends up rushing to his head, making him dizzy. He ends up deciding that head and butt support are the best, but his legs still dangle awkwardly. 

Well, hopefully he’ll have a bed tomorrow. It will have to make due.

The sound of nails clicking on a touch screen attracts his attention, however, and he rolls awkwardly onto his side to face Rose.

“Who the hell are you talking to? All of the people you know and like are in this very room right now. Is it your mom?" He squints at her, judging her mood. "No, you don’t look annoyed enough for it to be your mom.”

“Actually,” she says, “I’m texting John right now. The cashier, remember?”

“Yeah, the one who ruined my Community DVD.”

Rose rolls over to face him. “I would hardly say ruined. The DVDs themselves should still be completely functional. The boxart simply isn’t as attractive as it once was. A tragedy, surely.”

“Of the highest degree. You know, he wrote directly over Donald Glover’s face? Like Troy is the best fucking character in that show, and he goes and just draws all over his face and blocks it out with a giant four. I’m never going to forgive that guy. Never ever.”

Rose rolls her eyes. Dave can barely even see her in the dim light of the living room, but he can tell just by the way her shoulders move and that little exhale of breath that she is judging him.

“Believe it or not, Dave, I think it would be a good idea for us to make actual friends here." There's a pause, but the sort of pause that makes Dave sure there's about to be a "but" added on. "...Besides, it might be useful for my research. If he’s local, then he probably knows some good spots in the woods to seek out their supposed monsters.”

“Aha. See, I knew that you had to have some sort of ulterior motive. You’re just leading the poor guy on, thinking that maybe he can make friends with the frazzled goth chick he met at work-”

“I don’t think I was _frazzled_ , Dave-”

“- but you’re just using him for his forest knowledge. This is a new low, Rose.” Dave shakes his head sadly, tutting a little bit. He gets a pillow thrown at him. Those had thankfully been stuffed into the back of the trunk, so they have full access to them. 

“I would also like to make friends for their own benefit,” Rose insists. “Even if he had confessed to knowing nothing of the nearby woods, I would have taken him up on his offer to chat. He seems nice enough.” 

Dave can hear her phone vibrate with another text message. He raises an eyebrow. “And just what does Romeo have to say to you?”

“Dave, stop. I would have expected you to rise above heteronormativity and not insinuate he’s trying to hit on me.”

“I’m not saying you’re heteronormative. I’m saying he is.”

“He’s invited us over for dinner," Rose snaps. " _Both_ of us. So if he is trying to hit on me, either he is very bad at it, or he is an equal opportunist.” He can hear her nails tapping away at her phone screen again. “I’m accepting his invitation by the way.”

“Okay.”

“And giving him your number. I will not be the only one trying to extend our social circle here.”

Dave groans and languishes over the back of his beanbags, his head falling back so much that his bangs brush the floor. “Aw, come on Rose. I’ve got a great social circle on the web. It consists of me and all my adoring fans who donate to my paypal so I’ll continue making shit comics for them. That is the highest level of friendship right there.” 

“Who knows?” Rose muses. “Perhaps if you befriend John, you will make another friend who will donate to your shit comic’s paypal account.” As if on cue, Dave feels his phone buzz with a text. “At the very least, he will be making us food. Surely that accounts for something. If not the highest level of friendship, it must rank in the top ten.”

“I guess so. Depends on how good of a cook this guy is.” Dave pulls out his phone and squints at the screen. Sure enough, he has a text from the same number that’s scrawled across Donald Glover’s face.

Unknown Number [09/24/15 8:45 PM]: hey! this is john! you know, the cashier who checked you out at target. your roommate gave me your number so that we could talk too! i hope you aren’t too annoyed by that.  
Dave [09/24/15 8:46 PM]: oh yeah you were checking me out huh

Hey, if this guy can’t handle a couple of terrible texts on behalf of Dave, then he has no business trying to be friends with him.

Dave [09/24/15 8:46 PM]: i knew it i do have one hot piece of choice ass and i bet you were just thinking about how awesome i was gonna look lounged out on top of my two bean bag chairs  
Dave [09/24/15 8:47 PM]: well let me tell you thats exactly what im doing right now and i even have a rose in my mouth and eyebrow waggling is happening all up in this joint like its the worst 80s porno you ever laid eyes on  
Dave [09/24/15 8:47 PM]: wait is eyebrow wiggling a porno thing i honestly have no idea where the hell it came from  
Dave [09/24/15 8:48 PM]: anyways do you want to know what im wearing

The response doesn't come immediately, and Dave thinks that maybe he's actually scared the guy off. Yet after a few minute, his phone buzzes again.

John [09/24/15 8:55 PM]: rose told me that you were really weird! wow, i wasnt expecting her to be this right though, haha.  
John [09/24/15 8:56 PM]: anyways, i just wanted to ask what kind of food you liked and if you have any allergies or anything.  
John [09/24/15 8:56 PM]: and, uh you’re not vegetarian are you?”  
Dave [09/24/15 8:58 PM]: i am definitely not a vegetarian and im not allergic to anything  
Dave [09/24/15 8:58 PM]: as for favorite stuff i dont know ill basically eat anything  
Dave [09/24/15 8:58 PM]: cant go wrong with apple pie though if youre planning on throwing dessert into the mix  
John [09/24/15 9:00 PM]: well, to be honest, i am not usually that big of a fan of baked goods…  
John [09/24/15 9:01 PM]: but i guess for a hot piece of choice ass, i can make an exception. ;) see you tomorrow!  
Dave [09/24/15 9:04 PM]: wait what


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jade appears in this chapter, which means it's automatically better than the last one.
> 
> Anyways, I'm hoping that month-long waits between chapters won't be the norm! Mid-April made it hard to focus on editing this because, you know, the end of actual Homestuck, but hopefully chapter 3 will be out much sooner.

It’s a concerted effort to try and make sure that her appearance is at all presentable. Rose still contests that her plan of sleeping on the yoga mats was the better option, but that definitely doesn’t make it comfortable. The ache creeping up her spine attests to that much. So do the bags under her eyes, but late nights from college have taught her how to hide those with some strategically placed concealer and foundation. Her method is much more subtle than Dave’s, which boils down to “always wear shades so that nobody ever knows when I’m tired or when I’m just cool as hell.”

Another call from the movers had informed her that it would be at least another day before their things got there. Another night with no bed, in other words. Rose is already entirely dreading it, but she takes solace in mentally formulating the perfect scathing review for them on Yelp. 

On the bright side, there will be nothing to distract them from their dinner with John and his roommate tonight, and it gives Rose the entire day to make herself look as intimidating and alluring as possible. It’s not that she’s honestly intending to try and woo John - he’s nice enough, but she came here to find a monster, not a boyfriend. She just wants to make a memorable first impression on him. That's all.

As Rose is brushing out her hair and putting on her signature hairband, Dave walks into the bathroom. _Her_ bathroom, located in _her_ bedroom. Both of which had the door closed. She glares at him through the mirror.

“David,” she says. “If the door is closed, that means I do not want you in here.”

“You know David isn’t my full name,” he responds, and instead of walking out of the bathroom like a normal person would, he flips down her toilet cover and perches on top of it like some terrible, annoying vulture. “Anyways, all you’re doing is trying to gussy yourself up. It’s not like you’re naked or anything.”

“Have you considered that maybe - just maybe - I desire privacy?”

“It didn’t cross my mind.”

Rose rolls her eyes. Simply one of the occupational hazards of living with Dave Strider. "Why are you here, exactly? Other than annoying me, which I'm well aware is your sole purpose in life.”

“It's a noble cause," Dave confirms. "Anyways, I was just here to ask you if you knew anything about wonder boy’s roommate.”

Rose stares at him for a moment. “Wonder boy?”

“John. I dunno, I just don’t feel comfortable being on first name basis with somebody that I’ve only talked to briefly in the checkout line of a Target. It doesn’t give you enough time to get to really know them, you know?”

Rose shakes her head, and focuses her attention back on the mirror. Tilt head left, right… yes. That seems good. She looks flawless and well-rested. Nobody would suspect that she slept on a pile of yoga mats last night. 

“So you've given him a nickname based on traits you assume he has. That is indeed the logical emotional response. Regardless, why do you ask about the roommate?”

He rolls his shoulders. “Just, you know. It’s nice to get a feel of what we should be expecting, going into the lion’s den tonight. We kind of know who John is because we’ve texted him and we know he’s the kind of guy to write over Donald Glover’s glorious face. But we don’t know anything about the roommate. Like, I don’t even think he mentioned their gender?”

Rose thinks on it for a moment, and discovers that Dave is right. John had mentioned his roommate being present at the dinner they were about to attend, but had said nothing about who they were, or what kind of person they might be. 

“Well, I suppose we’ll just have to find out, won’t we?” she muses. “We’re leaving in fifteen minutes, by the way.”

Dave’s eyebrows shoot up. “Seriously? It’s still like an hour and a half before we’re supposed to be there.”

“It’s always polite to be on time. Also, I would like to bring something to this dinner of theirs. We should at least _try_ to act like we’re proper adults, no?”

Dave finally decides to hop off of her toilet, stretching up as far as his small frame will allow. “What’d you have in mind?”

“I’m not sure. However, I'm sure that the grocery store will have some great ideas.”

\----

In the end, they grab two boxes of cupcakes from the grocery store because they couldn’t agree on which generic brand to purchase. Rose insisted that flowers were lovely, perfectly fine, and offered a higher frosting-to-cake ratio than the smiley face cupcakes that Dave was advocating for. But Dave had insisted that the smiley face cupcakes were just inherently more hilarious, because whoever had done the frosting job had messed up on a couple of smiles, creating misshapen faces that looked as though they were screaming in agony.

Which is why they’re now standing on John’s front door step with one box of cupcakes each, looking like a pair of sketchy cupcake peddlers. Regardless, Rose throws on her very best smile, and rings the doorbell. She can hear a faint call of “coming!” from the other side, and a few seconds later, the door opens to John, who has a huge grin across his face.

“Hey! It’s great to see you - I’m glad you could make it.” Then his eyes fall to the cupcakes, and his expression quickly goes sour. “Though you really didn’t have to bring anything. _Really._ ”

Before Rose can try to defend their decision to bring grocery-store made baked goods, another voice pops up. “Oh, John! Are those the new people you told me about?”

And in a moment, a girl has popped up next to John, looking at them from over his shoulder. She’s got large, circular glasses, long black hair, and a pair of green eyes that are so bright they almost look a bit unnatural. She’s got a huge grin on her face, and a few freckles lightly splashed onto her cheeks, much like Dave has. 

“Yeah, these are them,” John says, stepping to the side so that she can get a better look. Both of them are fairly tall, Rose is noticing now. Probably at least six feet each, putting them almost a complete foot over her and Dave. It would be a little intimidating if the two of them didn’t practically exude friendliness, like huge friendly dogs. “Dave and Rose, meet my roommate, Jade! We’ve been best friends for like forever now.”

“I see,” Rose responds, giving a gracious smile. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Jade. My name is Rose, and this is Dave, my roommate. I wouldn’t say we’ve been best friends for forever but…”

“We met online,” Dave clarifies. “I do some really awesome comics that both of you should definitely go and read sometime. Anyways, Rose found them, fell in love with them, and basically begged to be my friend-”

Rose cuts in. “-by which he means I sent him an e-mail critiquing his use of irony in a three-point, five paragraph essay. There were some flaws in his execution that I painstakingly pointed out. I do believe that the quality of his comics increased exponentially once he began to take my much-needed improvements into account.”

Jade laughs, sharp but friendly. “That’s really cool! So you two were internet friends first? When did you move in together?”

Rose purses her lips as she considers how much information she wants to give them. She settles on, “We both wanted to move to New York at about the same time. It seemed natural that we should move in together.”

“Then she wanted to move here, and begged me to come along because I’m such an awesome roommate,” Dave adds. “She’s basically completely in love with me.”

“Oh, head over heels, I assure you,” Rose says, with as flat an intonation as possible. She mustn't give anybody the wrong idea here.

“Well, that’s still really cool!" Jade says. "Me and John just grew up in the same town. And then we also sort of ended up wanting to move at the same time, I guess?” She glances to the side and shrugs, giving Rose the feeling that there's more to that story. “Anyways, come in! John’s made a lot of tasty stuff!”

“Yeah,” John says, stepping aside. “No thanks to you Jade.”

“You didn’t even let me help!”

John turns back to Rose and Dave as they enter, giving them a conspiratorial look. “Yeah, she’s not allowed in the kitchen anymore. If you see scorch marks on the ceiling, you know who to blame…”

“I’m not _that_ bad!” Jade insists, though she’s laughing again.

John and Jade’s house is another one-story house, a little older than where Rose and Dave live, but still nicely maintained. It's a bit smaller than what Rose had picked, too, but not small enough to explain how they had the money to afford it. The fact that John is holding down a job at Target makes her think that they have some form of alternate income, or that Jade is loaded. 

The dining room is clearly not meant for big parties, but there is room for the four seats they need, and the spread of food does not disappoint. There are potatoes, chicken, a bit of salad, and an apple pie, all homemade. Their store-bought cupcakes certainly pale in comparison. Still, Rose sets her box down on the table, sliding it onto the opposite side of the pie. They may not be as delicious as the rest of the fare, but having another option for dessert is never a bad thing.

“May I?” she asks, pulling out a chair. She looks up at their hosts to make sure it's alright.

“Yeah, go ahead. Make yourself comfortable!” John assures her, waving his hands in her direction. “We’re really not really fancy here.”

“The quality of the meal is making me think otherwise.”

He looks away sheepishly. “I guess I like the excuse to cook? Anyways, just because the food’s nice doesn’t mean that we are.”

Jade plops herself down in the seat across from Rose. Her smile is radiant. “Yeah. We are actually very mean people! We are cruel and evil to everybody that we meet, especially newcomers.” 

The way that Jade does sarcasm is different than what Rose is used to - rather than a dry, deadpan delivery, she says it with the same sunny tone that she uses for everything else, with only a little twitch in her smile to indicate that she’s joking.

Even if it is an unorthodox measure of sarcasm, Rose does not intend to be outdone. “Yes, I can certainly see that," she says, nodding in a somber, understanding way. "Offering us food and a tour around the town. Truly, truly _terrible_ people.”

Jade snorts with laughter into her hand, and if that’s not the cutest thing that Rose has ever seen, then she doesn’t know what is. “Yes, you have got us pinned!”

Conversation continues like this, light and casual, as John slowly begins to dish out food. Dave goes quiet for once as he begins busily shoving food into his mouth. Rose, on the other hand, remembers her manners, and so she’s the one able to speak when Jade asks the predictable question:

“So what brings the two of you to town? We don’t usually get a lot of people our age moving in! It is not exactly known for its nightlife or anything like that.”

Despite the fact that Rose is perfectly capable of answering, however, John jumps in instead. “They’re here to hunt the 'monsters.'" Monsters comes with very obvious air quotes. "They’re just more dedicated about it than most of the people who come here.”

At that, a strange expression crosses Jade’s face. “You’re… here to hunt monsters? You know those are just legends, right?”

“I heard there’s been some tangible evidence,” Rose replies simply, folding her hands in her lap.

“All of which can be easily attributed to animals that live in the forest!" Jade continues. "Wolves, deer, bears, that kind of thing. I really don’t think you’re going to find much! Except for maybe bears and wolves and deer.”

Rose shakes her head. She knows that her goals are a little unorthodox, but that doesn’t mean that she likes hearing this lecture from every single person who she meets. “I happen to believe otherwise, but this is why I am planning to conduct some long-term research here. If nothing else, I’m sure I will learn more about the behavioral patterns of the deer, bears, and wolves. Surely a noble goal in and of itself, no?”

Jade shrugs her shoulders. “I guess so. It’s just sort of a weird thing to devote your life to! Who is even paying you?”

“I’m receiving a significant stipend from a world-renowned scientist.”

And of course, this just so happens to be the moment when Dave’s mouth is free to correct her. “She means that her rich mom is paying for her to live here and look at giant animal droppings.”

Rose kicks him from under the table. Dave remains impressively stone-faced. “My mother does happen to be a world-renowned scientist, however,” she corrects, not wanting to look like she’s a child reliant on her parent. “And her reasons for supporting me aren’t entirely fueled by our familial relation.”

“Well, I guess it’s pretty neat that she supports you like that!” Jade says, before turning her attention to Dave. “And what about you? Are you like… Rose’s assistant or something?”

He shakes his head, gulping down another bit of apple pie. “Nah, more like her caretaker. I work off my computer, so I can kind of work from anywhere, and rent was cheaper here so. Here I am.”

“Neat! So you make money off of the comics that you mentioned earlier?”

“Damn right I do.” 

It’s not enough to actually support him living here, had he been expected to pay a fair rent, but Rose is kind enough not to mention that out loud. These are new friends, and she’s sure that she wouldn’t want all of her financial secrets divulged if she were him.

Jade seems really excited, however, and John perks up a bit too. “That is so awesome! You will have to send me a link sometime. I’d like to read them!”

Is that a blush that she’s seeing across Dave’s cheeks right now? Rose can’t be sure - it could just be that he’s overwhelmed by the amount of good food and the good company. But she has a feeling that if that’s the case, he is _particularly_ enamoured of the good company. 

“Yeah, well. They’re kind of weird, I guess." He shrugs, as though those comics aren't his bread and butter. "I mean, they’re the height of ironic art forms and obviously pretty fucking awesome, but they’re sort of dense, and they aren’t really what they seem at first, so just, you know, try not to judge things on their cover?”

“That sounds really pretentious,” John comments, taking a sip of water. “What are these comics like exactly? What are they about?”

While Dave goes off on a very long ramble about the general plot details of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, Rose takes the opportunity to start digging into her own food. Jade, to her credit, seems intensely interested, though Rose isn’t able to tell whether or not it’s genuine. Dave’s comic is just strange enough that she doesn’t expect the common person to take any interest, but here Jade is, nodding along and giggling at exactly the appropriate moments.

John is laughing too, but his laughter tends to air more on the side of laughing at Dave than laughing with him. It’s not meant to be rude, as Dave is opening himself up for ridicule; John is laughing at the surface level jokes, the one that Dave leads him into. That makes sense. Jade remains a mystery.

Once the dinner starts to wind down, John poses a question. “You wanted to go to the woods, right Rose? Would you like a handy guide to show you around?”

Rose can’t help but smile. “Why, yes. A handy guide is precisely what I’m looking for.” She doesn’t waggle her eyebrows, but the gesture is implied by her tone alone. She’s not really trying to flirt with John, but it happens sometimes. Flirting is simply an occupational hazard of being Rose Lalonde.

“Well, when are you free? I usually get Tuesdays off, so I can show you around sometime then if you want to.” He looks to Dave. “And, uh, you’re welcome to come too Dave! Though you do not really strike me as the outdoorsman type.”

“What,” Dave says, putting on fake offense. “Are you kidding. I am the most outdoorsman dude you’ve ever met. I’ve climbed Everest like twenty times. With my teeth. I go out and chop down a tree daily just to show nature who the boss is. Spoilers: the boss is me. I’m the boss.”

“Which is to say,” Rose chimes in, before he can get too into his painful hypothetical about nature, “is that he has only lived in cities his entire life, and this may very well be his first time seeing a tree out in the wild, in its natural habitat.”

“I climbed a tree once,” he adds, a feeble attempt to prove that he isn't completely incompetent. 

John laughs. “Well, there aren't any impossible trails around here or anything like that. I guess if you lose the trail, you might run into some issues? But if you keep walking in a straight line you’ll probably hit a road eventually. Or at least a patch of area with a cell signal where you can call for help.” He shrugs. “Just don’t go out in the winter!”

“Trust me, wasn’t planning on it," Dave says in a deadpan. "New York was bad enough, and they had people clearing the streets there. Not looking forward to seeing what kind of hell the snow is going to wreak here.”

“Anyways, are you interested in tagging along?” John asks. “I can show you some nice beginning trails! Nice, short, easy and really pretty: great for pictures. I bet we can make an outdoorsman out of you yet!”

Dave shrugs, but the small grin that’s on his face is telling Rose that he is enjoying John’s company. Dave may not be much of an outdoorsman, but John's enthusiasm proves to be infectious nonetheless. It makes Rose curious about the other member at their dinner table.

“What about you?” Rose asks, turning to address Jade, who had been staring very intently at her chicken until now. “Are you as outdoorsy as John? An outdoorswoman, so to speak?”

Jade opens her mouth to respond, but John interrupts her. “Are you kidding me? It was Jade’s idea to move here in the first place! She was really excited about the forests and the leaves and the wildlife and all of that stuff. To be honest, I wasn’t very into it when I moved here, but… Well, I guess having nothing better to do kind of makes it so that you have to get into the hobbies that everybody else has, you know?”

“I think I can understand that,” Rose muses. “So will you be accompanying us on our tour of the nearby trails then, Jade?”

“Um… well, when are you going to be taking the trails?” she asks. “You never said whether or not Tuesday worked.”

“I believe it would,” Rose says simply. “Neither Dave nor I have gainful employment or any sort of schedule to speak of yet. The only thing that would tie us to any particular location is the fated arrival of our furniture, which did not quite manage to make the move with us. But Tuesday would be fantastic for us.”

“Oh! Well, I can’t Tuesday,” Jade says. “I’m busy.”

John gives her a look. “Busy with what?”

“Top secret things!” Judging by the way that John jolts suddenly, Rose suspects he’s been kicked underneath the table. 

“All day?” Dave asks. “I mean. I’m willing to schedule around you or what not. Early morning? Sure. Middle of the night? Sure. During prime time TV? Hell, that’s what DVR is for right?”

“My, you must really like her to offer early mornings,” Rose remarks, shooting a smug smirk in Dave’s direction. His face goes a bit red, but Jade responds before he can try to defend himself.

“No, I am really busy all day! The entire day! I cannot see or be seen by anybody or... I will combust!”

Well, if that isn’t suspicious, Rose doesn’t know what is. Obviously, she’s lying. But the ridiculous nature of the lie means that Rose has no idea just what it is she is attempting to lie _about_

“Well, okay,” Dave says, clearly bewildered. “Do what you want, I guess? Maybe some other time.”

John looks between the three of them and then finally chimes in - “So! What’s this about your furniture getting lost? Sounds like a good story if I’ve ever heard one…”

And from there, the dinner finishes off nicely. Dessert is fabulous, though Rose notices the way that John slides over all of the cupcakes in Jade’s direction, who wolfs them down in a heartbeat. At the end, they say their goodbyes, and Jade slips a napkin with her number hastily scrawled on into Rose's purse. Then Rose and Dave walk out into the crisp air of the evening, left to slowly digest the events of the evening.

“Well,” Rose says, as she and Dave head back to the car. “The two of them are quite strange, aren’t they?”

“They totally are,” Dave agrees. “But- in a good way. Like, the same way that you’re strange. Only less tentacles and gothic horror and more grinning and gooberness. And spontaneous combustion, apparently.”

“Yes, that was… well, odd is a nice word for it. Do you figure she’s hiding something from us?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

\----

On Monday, the furniture finally arrives with much fanfare. Dave had his speakers and his turntables, and Rose had her bookshelves and desk. Most importantly, both of them have beds now. There were some damages along the way of course - a few photo frames had gotten cracked, and one of Dave's "ironic" movie posters had gotten torn up - but nothing vital. They have a couch and a dining room table and chairs and a television. It finally feels like an actual house.

Rose settles in her bed that night, cushioned among her many blankets and pillows. She expects to drift off immediately, but instead finds sleep hard to come by. Despite the comfort of her bed and the blissful silence of her own room, she can't seem to get to sleep. She tries counting sheep. She tries sleeping on the opposite end of the bed. She tries to think of waves on the ocean, the ebb and flow of the tide lulling her to sleep, but none of it works. Even though all of the variables needed for a good night's sleep are there, Rose tosses and turns for hours.

Somehow, something is missing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, it did not take me a full month to put this chapter out! I'm hoping the next one will be out in early June, but after that there maaay be a small break, on account of me moving apartments. We'll see what the future brings!
> 
> Also a big shoutout to AO3 user SolitarySynonym for helping to beta this for me!

John leaves the house early, wanting to make sure that he gets to the trailhead before Dave and Rose do. Jade's car is still in the driveway as he leaves, but he doesn't try to bother her about it; she had made it clear at the dinner that she didn't want to come. He has no reason to force her to do something she doesn't want to do, even if her behavior is mysterious.

The drive is nice, with the temperature just starting to break from the unbearable haze of the summer. He rolls the window down to enjoy it, letting the breeze make his normal bed head even more chaotic than usual. 

There’s a small parking lot at the start of the trail, and when John parks, he's the only car there. This isn't much of a surprise - Tuesday isn't a big day for hikers, especially not in the middle of September. He's also ten minutes before the agreed meeting time, which gives him some time to poke around and kick up rocks to pass the minutes. 

It’s almost exactly ten minutes later when a white minivan pulls up to the trail parking lot, driven by Dave, with Rose in the passenger seat. John perks up and peers in through the window of the van from his current vantage point. He can’t see much, but he can see that the two of them are talking to one another, having some sort of animated conversation. He catches the tail end of it as they both hop out of the van and walk over to him.

“...like, yeah, okay, you _could_ dress a cat up as a monkey and convince a few people with it, but why bother?” Dave says. “It’s still just a cat in a monkey suit. Nobody’s really convinced. In your heart, you still don’t have a pet monkey, and you still gotta put up with the smell of tuna everywhere.”

“Yes, I do believe that cats in monkey suits are a proper explanation for the current state of the Democratic party,” Rose responds in a deadpan. Then, without missing a beat, she turns and says, “John - it’s wonderful to see you. I hope you’re doing well. You weren’t waiting on us for too long, were you?”

“No, not at all!” John assures them with a smile. Rose looks gorgeous as ever, though John can’t help but wonder if she owns any makeup that doesn’t make her look like she works at Hot Topic. Dave, for his part, is just in a T-shirt and jeans, and looks like he probably remembered to run a brush through his hair. More interestingly, he's holding a camera. That means he took John's photography suggestion seriously; John can't help but be a little proud about it. 

“Cool, cool,” Dave says. “I mean, if you’d been waiting for too long, then that’d have been on you anyways, since we’re here exactly on time.”

“He is annoyingly punctual, as it turns out,” Rose interjects.

Dave ignores her and continues talking. “So this is the rad trail you’re taking us on? Does it have like ramps and stuff?” He must see the incredulous look on John’s face, because he adds, “Look, I don’t think I have ever been on a legitimate nature trail in my life. I have no idea what to expect.”

“Well, it’s not really that special,” John explains. “It’s just… sort of a flatter bit of forest so it’s easier to walk through without getting lost? There’s not much else to it.”

“What, so there’s no sick attractions? No half-pipes or ramps or whatever?”

John's face twists into confusion. What has he gotten himself into? “What? No, of course not! Are you a skater or something?”

This draws forth a snort of laughter from Rose. “Only on the Xbox.”

John shakes his head, deciding not to press the issue, waving them out of the parking lot. "Trail's this way, guys!" 

There's a sign marking the entrance of the trail, showing the general route through the woods - it’s pretty much just a giant loop, bringing them back to the parking lot at the end. There’s also some information about local animals and local plant life, which Rose takes a long hard look at. A small furrow forms in her brow, and her expression would be more at home on an archaeologist studying ancient hieroglyphics.

“It says nothing about wolves or bears,” is her eventual conclusion.

“Well, yeah. Of course it doesn’t,” John says. “They don’t want to scare people off! Besides, I don’t think that bears and wolves really like this part of the woods, since there are a lot of people here.”

“Seems like an odd omission, is all,” Rose says before straightening up and heading forward.

John just shrugs. “Guess so.”

For the first few minutes or so, the trail is exactly as expected - quiet, easy, and softly lit from sunlight filtered through the leaves. However, just as they’re about to round a bend, they come across a downed branch. 

“That’s weird,” John muses, walking up to it. It’s not a huge hindrance on the whole - it’s only blocking about half the path, and is small enough to just step over should somebody really want to. But the fact that there’s a branch downed at all is weird. “There haven’t been any storms recently, and they usually keep this path pretty well maintained. It’s got to be pretty recent.”

He looks back to Rose and Dave. Dave has his camera out, snapping pictures, though it's hard to tell what exactly he's aiming at. Rose has a glint in her eye. “Let me see,” she says, quickly rushing over and dropping into a crouch, running her hand along the branch.

“Uh, I don’t think it’s really that interesting…” John says. “It’s just a branch.”

“You said it’s weird,” Rose counters. “Weird is good enough.”

John shrugs, looking awkwardly around while Rose looks the thing over. He can't imagine what she thinks she's going to find, but he sees no reason to stop her. As he glances back to Dave, he notices that Dave's camera lens very quickly turns away from him. John squints his eyes. Was Dave taking pictures of him?

Rose finally straightens up, brushing off her skirt. “On closer examination, I can conclude... that this is just a branch. Let’s move on.”

It is a decided effort for John to not roll his eyes. “Oookay then,” he says, stepping over said branch to lead them onward.

Yet the downed branch is not the only thing out of place as they continue down the trail. There are a few plants that have been flattened and a bit of displaced soil, but the most startling thing of all is the half-eaten corpse of a deer that is lying just around a bend in the trail. There are already flies buzzing around the open wounds, and its stomach has been torn open, strewing gore along the forest floor. 

“Ugh, gross!” John immediately backs away from it, pinching his nose. That, in his mind, is the logical reaction of a completely sane and normal person. However, his two companions immediately draw closer.

“ _Sick_ ,” Dave says, his camera out and snapping about ten pictures a second from only slightly different angles. A fly lands on the lens of his sunglasses, and he doesn't even care.

“Very interesting,” Rose agrees, getting much closer to the animal than John would ever want to. “Clearly, it’s been preyed on. If only it weren't so massive... I’d love to bring back a sample. Perhaps then we could ascertain what manner of beast is responsible.”

“It’s probably just a wolf or something, right?” John says, turning away so that he doesn't have to look at the thing anymore. Unfortunately, he's pretty sure that Dave and Rose aren't going to step away from the dead deer any time soon. It's like moths to a flame.

“No, no, wolves hunt in packs,” Rose says, voice distant. “They would have finished the deer, or at least brought it back to a den so that the young could easily eat it.”

John lets out a heavy sigh. She's going to be difficult about this, isn't she? “Okay, so a bear then?”

“I thought you said that bears didn’t like living around here because of all the people?” Rose counters.

“Well, I said usually. It probably happened at night, right?” 

“Bears are diurnal.”

John is trying not to roll his eyes too hard. He's known that they are weird from the moment that he met them in the Target, and he doesn't want to hold that against them, but it's a little hard to do that when both of them are fascinated by a carcass.

“Okay, maybe it was an evil and dangerous swamp monster?" he offers, arms crossed as he resolutely continues to look the other way. "I don’t know what you want me to say, Rose.”

He can hear Rose straighten up as she pulls away from the corpse. “It very well might be a swamp monster, if there are any swamps around here. Are there?”

God, is she serious? “Not that I know of?”

“Then don’t be ridiculous, John.” John turns back to face Rose and finds the corners of her lips quirking up, teasing him. 

Dave's shutter finally stops clicking, and he turns back to face the other two. "Yeah, come on, everybody knows that swamp monsters hate venison. It's not even a remote possibility." John can see an eyebrow quirking out over the top of Dave's shades, paired with a very Rose-like smirk.

At least they're self-aware. 

The rest of the trail goes fairly well from there. They don’t come across anymore mutilated corpses, and there's only one more piece of nature out of place: a flattened bush. Rose spends her sweet time there, staring into the brambles of the destroyed plant, and she pulls away a couple of hairs that she carefully slips into her pocket. 

"This could be something," she comments. 

"Yeah, like rabbit fur," John counters, but he leaves it at that. Dave snaps a few pictures of the bush, and then they're on their way. It's a nice walk, enough to get the heart rate up a bit, but not enough to get sweaty and gross. Dave snaps a few pictures of normal things, too, like birds, squirrels, and nice flowers. John pulls out his phone to get in a picture or two as well; he can show them to Jade later.

In the end, they wind up back at the small parking lot at the front of the trail. Another car has pulled into the lot, but whoever was driving it is nowhere to be seen, leaving the three of them to say their goodbyes.

Dave goes first, and it's clear he wants to jet out of there; his fingers are twitching near his camera bag, and he constantly looks back over his shoulder to the car. "Hey, thanks for leading us around, man," he says quickly, already inching back. "I think I got some cool shots. I'll give you a shout out on my blog." 

"Yeah, no problem," John says. "Just send me links to the cool ones! Though, uh, I could do without seeing that deer again."

"Weak," is Dave's only response before he finally leaps back into the car, starting it up. That should be Rose's cue to leave as well, but she lingers, fixing John with a grateful smile. His heart does a funny kind of flip at that.

“Thank you,” she says, “for guiding us around today. I know that you believe me a lunatic, looking for monsters in a place you call home. I hope that we can be friends regardless.”

“Yeah, of course!” John gives her a reassuring smile and a thumbs up. “I mean, if I decided not to be friends with somebody just because they had weird interests or beliefs, then I’d never be living with Jade in the first place.”

That causes Rose's smile to quirk, taking on a sharper, more interested edge. “It is quite a shame that she couldn’t be here with us today. She strikes me as an interesting person.”

“Yeah. Jade is really great.” John can’t help a dopey grin at that. Gosh, he’s just… really filled with a lot of friendship for Jade. Even just the thought of her, all long, tangled hair and vivid green eyes, makes him feel warm inside.

With friendship.

“I bet you’ll get to talk to her later, though,” he assures Rose. “I’ll make her hang out with us next time!”

“Soon, I should hope,” Rose says. “Our furniture finally arrived, so perhaps you could come over to our place? Saturday evening, maybe. We have a television and video games, though I cannot attest to the quality of said games. Most of them are from Dave's collection.”

Speaking of Dave, the other blonde pokes his head out the window of the minivan. “Hey, Rose, are you coming? We’re gonna miss the livestream premiere of the new Squiddles movie if you don’t get your ass in gear. Not that I care about that shit, but you probably do, so you might want to get a move on.”

Rose lets out a sigh and rolls her eyes, giving John a look that very clearly reads “see what I put up with?” Still, she quirks her lips and gives him a quick “See you around,” before she turns and gets in the car with Dave. 

John just stands there, feeling struck with even more friendship as he watches the two of them drive off back home. He already can’t wait for Saturday.

\----

When John gets home, he’s not surprised to see that Jade’s car is still in the driveway, but he is surprised to see that she’s out in the open, curled up on the couch with some ice cream and her favorite blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She’s hooked up her laptop to the TV, and John laughs a bit when he realizes that the new Squiddles movie is streaming on the screen.

He plops himself down next to her, which causes her to jump, but she waits until there’s a commercial break to acknowledge him directly. “Hi, John! How was the trail?”

“It was fun!” he says honestly, a little transfixed as some sort of surreal ad for children’s cereal plays on screen. How do they get away with showing this kind of shit to kids? “Dave and Rose are both really cool. And really weird. They went home to watch the Squiddles, too.”

“Really?” Jade perks up at that. 

“Yeah, really. I mean, it sounded like Rose was the one who was most interested in it, but Dave at least seemed to tolerate it.”

“Unlike _some_ roommates I know,” Jade counters with a sniff, taking a bite of her ice cream.

“Hey, I tolerate it!” John insists.

“You make fun of their names, and their songs, and the animation, and… everything!” Jade waves her spoon around as she talks, nearly flinging a glob of ice cream into John’s face.

“Okay, yeah, but you have to admit that all of this is ripe for mocking, Jade,” John counters. “I mean… just look at it!”

Jade looks to the screen, giving it a "critical eye" before she turns back to him. “I see a very well put together show with some excellent messages of friendship and equality for children, with clever dialogue and humor that even adults can enjoy,” she says with a sniff. John laughs - he knows better by now than to try and question Jade about the quality of her favorite show, so he lets the topic drop. Clearly he has superior taste in all things media-related, because he _doesn’t_ watch a show about animated squids that is intended for four year olds, but he also knows how important the show is to Jade. He's not going to be the jerk to talk over the important bits.

When the commercial break ends, he sits and watches and tries to understand what the hell it is she sees in this show. The movie is a little melodramatic, with one of the Squiddles (named Missus Tentacleskirt) hiding a secret from the rest of her Squiddle friends - she is actually Squiddle royalty! Her friends are aghast when they find out, but she flees before they can tell her how awesome they think her newfound royalty is, which results in a hackneyed plot about trying to find the princess.

During her efforts to hide, Tentacleskirt gets kidnapped by Skipper Plumbthroat, which causes Jade to gasp and tear up a little bit. John doesn’t really get _why_ , because come on, she’ll obviously get through the end of the film alive and well, but he supposes Jade is simply the type to be over invested in her children's cartoons.

As it turns out, he is not anticipating the scene where Missus Tentacleskirt loses half of her tentacles to the Skipper, who wants a healthy and fresh meal, thus keeping her alive as he brutally amputates three of her limbs. In the end, her friends do manage to save her, but the limbs don’t come back. There’s some heartfelt message about lying and keeping secrets at the end. Jade cries through about the last ten minutes.

“Well, that was fucked up,” is John’s eventual conclusion.

“Like I said,” Jade says with a huff, quickly scrubbing her eyes of any tears. “Squiddles is a very complicated show meant for more than just kids! The messages and storylines are mature, and also very dark on occasion. Plus, the music is really good! It is a quality show.”

“Okay, Jade. But cutting off her arms and eating them one at a time? As a punishment for lying?” John shakes his head in disbelief. “That just seems over the top and ridiculous. There is a way to teach kids important life lessons without permanently scarring them, you know?”

“Yes, I know! But it’s all about the tension and the plot, John!” Jade shakes her head too, but it's more effective since it sends her mass of hair flying everywhere. “You just can’t understand the magnificence of Squiddles I guess.”

John has to spit some of her hair out of his mouth before he can get in a response. “Wow, excuse you, I totally understand the magnificence or whatever. I just understand that it is total bullcrap!”

Jade gasps. “Take that back!”

“Never!”

John soon finds a couch cushion meeting his face at high velocity. He needs to remember not to make Jade mad about this kind of stuff; it never ends well for him. His glasses get knocked off too, and he leans down to pick them up before he changes the subject. He doesn't need to waste any more of his life arguing about cutesy cartoon squids.

“So anyways, what were you up to today?" he asks. "You said you couldn't go to the trail with us today because you were busy, but here you are watching Squiddles. What gives?”

Jade lets out a heavy sigh, sinking back into the couch a little bit. “When I tell you why, you are going to make a face and say gross!” she informs him.

“What? What were you doing? Cleaning out a sewer system or something? Jade, I promise that I will not call you gross under any circumstances.”

Jade stares at him for a moment, her expression clearly reading that she doesn't believe him. “Okay." She starts slowly, as though he might startle. "Well... I track my cycle. I knew I was going to have really bad cramps today. So I stocked up on ice cream and heating pads!” She holds up the ice cream that she is currently eating to prove it.

And, as predicted, John pulls a face. “Gro- I mean, that sucks!” Well, at least he proved her half wrong. Jade rolls her eyes at him.

“So that’s where I have been all day! Cooped up in my room, feeling very miserable.”

John deflates at hearing that. He hates thinking that while he was out having fun with the new kids in town, Jade was at home, alone and in pain. “Well, you could have mentioned something. I could have got you chocolates at least.”

Jade shakes her head quickly to reassure him. “Don’t worry. I have an emergency stash!”

That doesn't make John feel much better, but he figures self-flagellating isn't going to help anything. “Well, I’m sorry that you missed our hike then. We found a dead deer. It was super gross, and Rose wanted to bring it home and study it.”

Jade pulls a weird face at that. John didn’t think she was that squeamish. “Did she?” she asks.

“Nah. It was too big and gross to fit in their car.”

Jade hums noncommittally. John keeps talking.

“She thinks it was killed by something other than a bear or a wolf, though. It’s kind of funny, actually. She’s like, totally a normal person, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow she started running around in a tin foil hat to scare off aliens?”

“What do you think it was killed by?” Jade cuts in, her tone sharp.

John shrugs. “I dunno. A lone wolf or a bear who wanted a midnight snack. It doesn’t really matter.” He suddenly remembers their invitation at the end of the hike, though, and snaps his fingers. “What does matter is that they invited us over for video games!

Jade finally perks up at that, smiling a little. “Ooh, video games! That sounds like fun!”

“Yeah! Do you want to come?”

Jade purses her lips and takes the opportunity to have another bite of ice cream. "I don't know. When is it?"

"Saturday," John says. "Do you think you'll be feeling better by then? I could always ask them to move it a little later if you aren;t."

"No, Saturday sounds perfect! I _hope_ I won't be cramping that long, geez." Jade gives a comical shudder at the thought. "Of course I'll be there! I just hope you're ready to have your butt kicked at video games, John."

"No way - you're on!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that took so long! As I mentioned, I moved in early June, and all of the pre-move stuff meant that I didn't finish editing the chapter on time like I wanted to. Anyways, at least I finished getting this one out before my NEXT big life event; I'm starting grad school tomorrow, which miiiight mean slower chapters, or it miiiight mean faster chapters as I use fanfiction to procrastinate on school work. Who knows!
> 
> Anyways, this is the chapter where I finally add the first individual pairing tag, and where everybody is casually bi, nbd. Big thanks to everybody who helped me beta this!

Jade is thankfully recovered from her soreness by the time that Saturday rolls around, and she spends some extra time in front of the mirror to fine tune her appearance. This means running an actual brush through her hair and putting on just a little bit of eyeliner to boot. She tops it off with a cute dress - green, to bring out her eyes - and then rushes out to find John in the main room, foot tapping impatiently.

"Geez, Jade, it's just video games," he says. "You don't have to get all fancy for it."

"I don't _have_ to," Jade agrees, "but I want to! Anyways, this is barely fancy. Rose was wearing waaaay more makeup than this at our dinner the other week."

"Yeah, but that's how Rose normally is. This is Jade fancy. It's different."

Jade scoffs, but lets the conversation drop as she grabs for the keys to her truck. Besides, John's hair is lying a bit flatter than usual, too. He definitely took a comb to it, whether he'll admit it or not. 

Jade usually speeds while she's driving, but she speeds even more than usual while on her way to Dave and Rose's. She just can't help herself - this is too exciting! There aren't many people here who are her and John's age, and the few that are don't have much in common with them. But Dave and Rose, despite their monster hunting, seem like nice and funny people. She's already read all of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, which caused her to spit out what she'd been drinking no less than two times.

The Strider-Lalonde household is a new one-story house, not far from where she and John live. It would probably only be a thirty minute walk if they wanted to get there by foot, and the drive proves to be less than five minutes thanks to Jade's speeding habits. John looks a little woozy as he staggers out of the car, but Jade practically hops to the front door, bouncing back on the balls of her feet as she rings the doorbell.

Rose answers, dressed down from the first time that Jade met her. She’s still wearing the heavy, dark makeup that would scream "unapproachable," if it weren't for her smile and her T-shirt decorated with cartoon cats. "It's great to see you, Jade. I take it your trip here was relatively painless?"

"Absolutely pain free!" Jade assures her.

“Oh, are the guests here?” comes Dave's voice, presumably from the living room.

“Yes, they are,” Rose says. “Dave, ready the video games. We mustn’t keep them bored for long.”

"Aye, aye captain."

Rose steps aside to let Jade and John inside, and Jade takes a good amount of time to admire their house. It feels so open compared to the place she lives in with John, with a modern interior that somehow screams wealth, despite the smaller size. The living room opens up right from the entrance, where she can see Dave crouched in front of the TV, rifling through their game collection.

Even in his own house, he's wearing shades.

"So what are we starting with today?" Rose asks as though he's a waiter, and she's planning to order the day's special.

"I figured we'd go with Skate Bros 360," Dave says, holding up the unmistakable green case of an Xbox game.

"Ah yes, the jewel of your terrible skating collection." Rose sits down on the couch, reaching for the nearest game controller. Jade comes to sit down next to her, while John claims a big armchair for himself. "How could I have expected anything else?"

"You know as well as I do that my skating collection is carefully cultivated. I only let the worst of the worst enter this collection. And Skate 360 is the worst of the worst of the worst, which makes it objectively the best."

The disc goes into the Xbox, and the title screen pops up on the TV. Jade swears she can see some jpeg artifacts around the logo. Dave tosses a controller to John before squishing himself in between Jade and Rose on the couch. He sets another controller down in Jade's lap before he claims his rightful place as player 1. 

After Dave hits "multiplayer" on the main menu, they are taken to the character selection screen, where they all have their pick of uncannily similar white skaters to choose from. Jade picks the one wearing a green shirt, and John picks the one with glasses. Dave's has a mullet. Rose's has a skull and crossbones on his tanktop. From there, they are thrust rather inelegantly into a poorly rendered skate park, with as many broken textures as working ones.

John swears when his character gets stuck inside of a railing in the first thirty seconds of the game. 

“With these games,” Rose explains, watching as he attempts to free his poor skater from his fate of eternal clipping, “the true challenge is not, in fact, to complete the objectives up on the screen. Oh no. Instead, the point is to try and keep your character upright and untrapped for longest. We’ve made it a bit of a challenge.”

“Yeah, I’m basically the master at it,” Dave explains with a cocky little grin.

“Yes,” Rose agrees, as she nudges his character out of the world with a thrown skateboard. “You’re the master at having your characters disappear for good.”

“Fuck you, Lalonde, and literally everything you stand for.”

“Then you’ll be quite a busy man tonight.”

Jade laughs at them, but she has her own clipping dilemma to solve as she tries to free her character from the sidewalk he seems to have sunken into, though it all comes out to be for naught. He slowly sinks down to his shoulders, then his head, until he is gone entirely. Rose wins the round by having a character last two minutes, then they force quit the game.

Thankfully, from there Rose and Dave are convinced to move onto more standard gaming fare. Super Smash Bros and the Wii come out, though John can't help an overdramatic groan when the disc comes out.

“Jade’s going to use her furry again,” he gripes. Jade shoots him a look, but the damage has already been done.

"Her furry?” Rose asks with a raised eyebrow.

“You know!" John makes a vague gesture at the screen. "The fox guy!”

“You mean. Fox. Like, that’s literally his name.” Dave looks to Jade, and she swears that her cheeks aren’t heating up. “Are you a furry Jade? I didn't think you looked like the kinda gal to be into that sort of stuff.”

“No!" she says quickly, because she knows what kind of connotations the term "furry" has in this day and age. Especially to somebody like Dave.

“She’s totally a furry,” John counters. “You should see the posters in her ro-”

“John! No! I am not a furry! I mean, not like the creepy kinds of furries! I don’t look up the porn or wear a fursuit or anything like that. They’re just… kind of pretty?” She sighs. John has never really been able to let her live that down. “Besides, that was mostly what I liked in high school! I just like using Fox because he has a cool gun. I like guns!”

“And fur, I hear,” Rose says, with a bit of a smirk on her face. Jade scoffs like she's offended, but she's biting back a smile too. 

Rose ends up being the Smash Bros. champion, primarily making use of Sheik, but Jade likes to think that she and Fox hold their own. John stubbornly comes in last as Toon Link, and Dave does his best as Pitt before switching to Mr. Game and Watch to throw bacon in shame. 

"It's fine," John says dismissively, though he's clearly grumpy about his losing streak. "I'll just kick your ass when we do Mario Kart." 

"Yeah right," Dave scoffs, reaching for the Mario Kart disc and twirling it around his finger, like that's a cool thing to do. "I could beat you with my left pinky only."

As it turns out, Dave cannot beat John with his left pinky, or his right pinky, or any part of his hand. John absolutely dominates at Mario Kart - a fact that Jade knows well, because he mostly trained against her. He can practically do these tracks blindfolded, and a mere 150cc doesn't so much as phase him.

Rose and Dave look starstruck.

They play several rounds of Mario Kart, getting through most of the tracks, and the sun sets to swearing and hoots of victory. Jade feels her cheeks ache from smiling. All good things have to end, though, and Mario Kart ends with John looking at his watch. “Ugh, I’ve probably got to go guys,” he says. “I’ve got work tomorrow first thing, so…”

“So you’ve gotta head out,” Dave finishes. He sets his Wii controller down with a little disappointed huff, then glances over to Jade, raising his eyebrows a little bit. “So I take it that you've gotta hit the road, too?"

“Well, we came in the same car,” John offers. Jade knows that implies that they've got to leave together, but she doesn't want to. She is having _fun_ , and if Dave and Rose are unemployed monster hunters who don’t have anywhere to be, then why does she have to leave? 

She tosses her car keys at John, who catches them after a bit of awkward fumbling. “You can take the car back, John,” she tells him. “I can walk back. It’s not too far!”

John raises his eyebrows a little bit and gives her a suspicious look, but he doesn't call her on it. “Yeah, okay. See you later, Jade!” He gives her a little wave, then heads out the door. Jade can hear the car start up and back out of the driveway.

"So what now?" Dave asks, turning back to their new group of three. "Our reigning Mario Kart champ has left the building. Feels like playing anymore would disrespect his memory."

"Do you have board games?" Jade asks.

As it turns out, they do have some board games. Rose pulls out the Game of Life, and after a few attempts to get the spinner to work, they're back in business. Rose pointedly picks out another pink peg from the pile when it comes time to pick up a spouse. Jade winds up landing on nearly every single LIFE tile in the game, and wins the game by a landslide in the end. Dave ends up with a second car’s worth of kids that he has to put through college and ends up destitute. 

"Well, that was quite the rousing game of getting lucky through arbitrary spins of a dial," Rose says as she packs up the game. "But I think I'm done for the night. I have some reading to finish before bed, and I fear if I don't extract myself now, I'll be seeing the sun rise."

"Lame," Dave says at the same time that Jade wishes her, "Good night!" Rose gives them both a small, honest smile before she retreats into her room and shuts the door.

A still silence falls over Dave and Jade, now sitting across from each other on the living room floor.

“So,” Jade says after a moment, sitting up. “I should probably start walking home now. I don’t want to keep you up too late!”

Dave gives her an impassive look, his mouth a perfectly flat line. “What. No. I never sleep. I’m a webcomic artist, Jade, not sleeping is what I am the best at.” A pause. “I mean, if you want to head home, that’s cool and all. But it’s also getting pretty late out. As in, it’s going to be midnight in an hour. Are you sure you’re comfortable walking home?”

Jade raises her eyebrows slightly. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Like." He makes a few vague hand gestures. "Night is kind of a dangerous time to be out and about? Isn’t that usually a commonly agreed on thing?”

Jade shrugs her shoulders. “We’re in a pretty safe area; I would just be walking through neighborhoods. It’s not like there’s anybody out there who is planning to do bad things. And even if there is, I can beat them up!”

“Oh.” Dave rubs the back of his neck, not meeting her eyes. “Yeah, I guess I’m just used to cities and stuff at this point. Walk back too late, and you run the risk of getting mugged. Or worse.”

“Yeah, that is not really a concern here!” Jade assures him, flashing what she hopes is a reassuring smile. “There's still _some_ crime around, but criminals are going to target stores and stuff instead of waiting in suburbs just in case somebody walks by. There’s just not enough foot traffic! Also there are a lot of concerned parents who will call the cops if anything at all seems even a little suspicious.”

“Oh yeah, guess you have a point.” He shrugs it off like it’s nothing. “But. I mean there’s also that monster that’s out and about.”

Jade is quiet for a moment. “...Monster?”

“Yeah. You know. The not-bear not-wolf thing that Rose is looking for. The big, scary, deer eating thing.”

“Oh.” Jade rolls her eyes. No concrete proof. “Well, seeing as that thing doesn’t exist, I don’t have an awful lot to worry about! Anyways, why are you trying to convince me not to walk home?”

“I’m not.” A pause. “Okay. Yeah, I totally am. Not because I don’t think you can take care of yourself, but it’s kind of ingrained in me not to let people head out at night by themselves and all. Gotta be a New York thing.” Another pause, but the way he's pursing his lips implies he has something more to say, so Jade waits. “Plus. You know. You could stay the night if you wanted. Assuming you don’t have anything to do tomorrow.”

Aha! So he _wants_ her to stay over. “...Like a sleepover?”

“I guess you could call it that.”

A huge grin stretches across Jade's face. “That sounds like a lot of fun!” she says. “I haven’t done a sleepover in years!”

“What, not even the fun sexy kind?” Immediately after the words come out, Dave clamps his mouth shut, and his eyes go wide behind his shades. Jade has to laugh.

“Are you asking me if I’ve had a boyfriend?”

Dave mulls over his next words before saying, “Well. It could have also been a girlfriend."

Jade almost laughs at that too. She supposes it's not surprising he'd add that, based on the vibes she'd been getting from Rose. Dave's probably plenty used to girls kissing girls. “True! Girls are also very pretty. But you are a boy, so I figured you would be more interested in whether or not I’ve had boyfriends in the past.”

He looks away sheepishly, then back at her. Finally - “Well, have you?”

“Not since high school! And then, we definitely did not have any sexy sleepovers, because my grandpa would have shot him in the face.”

“Holy shit.” Dave looks one part impressed and one part terrified. “So should I be worried about him breaking down my door in a couple of days or…”

Jade raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you planning on something, Dave?”

“What, no, I just meant-”

Jade laughs, waving her hands to try and reassure him. “I’m just kidding! Anyways, he died a few years ago, so he won't be busting down any doors.”

"Oh." Dave shifts uncomfortably and scoots over so he can give her a little pat on the shoulder. "Sorry to hear about that.” 

Jade shakes her head. She had loved her grandpa dearly, but she is done being upset about his death, and that's that. “It’s okay. He was old; he had a good life. And he made sure that I was well taken care of, too! I could not have afforded the place that me and John live in without him. So... really, it's fine." 

“Well. Glad to hear that at least. He must have been a pretty cool dude to have such a cool granddaughter and all.” Dave gives her a sort of reassuring half smile at that, and Jade can’t help but return it. He can be ridiculously cute sometimes. It’s shaping up to be kind of a problem. Kind of a really big problem. 

“Thanks! But anyways, you asked me if I had any sexy sleepovers, so I think it is time you spilled the beans! What about you? Have you ever had a super sexy sleepover with a girl or boy?” She winks at him and nudges his shoulder with hers. 

Dave snorts. “Oh yeah, all the time,” he says, but his tone is dripping in sarcasm. “I mean, I’ve actually got a girl in my room right now, so you know, better clear off before she gets jealous or something like that.”

Jade rolls her eyes. “Daaaave! That’s not fair! I totally told you about my personal details -- you have to tell me something about yours!”

“Oh, is that how this worked? I didn’t realize that this was some sort of wild truth or dare thing, like I say something, you say something. I thought I was just asking a question that I didn’t necessarily have to answer in kind.”

“Okay, it’s not like an official game of 20 questions or anything like that,” Jade grants him. “But it’s just social convention! You cannot expect me to be totally open with my feelings and my romantic past and then not offer me anything in return! So come on! What are the details? How many girls and how many boys have you kissed?”

His eyebrows raise, and she can just see them above the shades. “Do you want those lists as a separate thing?”

“Yes!”

“Okay. Here goes. Are you ready for these sweet stats, comin’ at you live from a Strider near you?”

“Yes!” Jade is laughing a little bit now. There’s no way he’s kissed more than five people total. No way!

“Okay. Two girls. One guy.”

Jade lets out a little gasp. “Really? Three people? Who were they!”

Dave wags a finger at her. “Ah, ah, ah. I answered your question one hundred percent sincerely, so that means that it’s time for you to answer a question of mine one hundred percent sincerely.”

Jade sighs and crosses her arms over her chest, leaning back against the couch. He does have a point; asking how many people he’s kissed is a different question from asking who the people he kissed were. 

“Okay! Fine. What is your question for me?”

Dave mulls it over for a moment, his fingers drumming on the hardwood floor. “Well. You wanna know about the people I’ve kissed, right? What about the people that you’ve kissed?”

Jade sighs. Kissing is a different story from dating, if she’s being honest. “Do you want a number or do you want stories?”

“Well. Stories. Duh. But I’m guessing that numbers have gotta be involved in there somewhere too.”

Jade brushes back some of her hair from her face. How did she get involved in this? Why is she now discussing her past romantic partners with a cute boy in the middle of his living room at eleven o’ clock at night? How did it come to this point?

Regardless of how it happened, she is definitely here now. She might as well spill the details.

“Well, I have actually only had one boyfriend in my entire life,” Jade starts. “We dated for three months in high school! He seemed really nice at first, kind of quiet and soft-spoken and everything. And I guess I felt sort of bad for him because he was bullied by a lot of people? Not that that was the only reason I started dating him! But after a month or so, he started talking about how I would start to like him more if he got more confidence, and stuff like that? It didn’t bother me at first, but after a while… Well, I just did not like having my feelings dictated to me. Especially when he was claiming things about himself that were just untrue!” She shakes her head. “So I dumped him!”

“That tells me nothing about kissing, Jade,” Dave tells her. “You suck at answering questions.”

Jade's cheeks puff out a little. “Well, okay, so I kissed him! Lots! Because he was my first boyfriend.”

“Was he your first kiss?”

Jade can feel her cheeks starting to burn up, and she’s never been more thankful for having dark skin to hide her blush. “Well. No. Not technically.”

“Not technically?” Dave leans forward, and raises an eyebrow. Clearly, he’s interested.

“I mean. I kind of kissed somebody else when I was younger. Like, fifth grade young. So I don’t think it really counts as a first kiss, but…”

Dave grins. “Oh man. You got started young, didn’t you? Didn’t kiss and run did you? Like there’s not some guy out there who’s cursing the name Jade Harley because you kissed him and then left him as a little broken-hearted ten year old?”

“No! No, nothing like that. Geez, Dave you have an overactive imagination!” Jade brushes back some more hair. “We’re actually still on pretty good terms. I don’t think he holds a grudge.”

Dave cocks his head to the side. “So why’d you kiss him then? Was it like a fifth grade dating thing?”

Jade shakes her head. “No. It was more that… we were best friends at the time!” Still are, but she doesn’t want to make it _that_ obvious. “And we both agreed that we’d rather kiss our best friend than to kiss our first boyfriend or girlfriend. So… we kissed! A teacher caught us doing it and put us in detention.”

“But was it worth it?” Dave waggles his eyebrows, and Jade throws a couch cushion at him.

“...Yes. It was. It wasn't a good kiss or anything, because we were so young, but I am kind of glad that my first kiss was with him rather than my first boyfriend. It’s more special that way, even if we haven’t ever been together.”

“Cute,” Dave says. “Okay, so is that your entire kiss history laid out before me? Just two guys?”

Jade hides behind a hand. “No.”

“No? What, is there some illicit affair you’re hiding from me? What are the stats here? I gave you mine.”

Jade sighs. “Okay. But you have to tell me the stories of all of your kisses too! I want to hear all three!”

Dave looks reluctant, but he nods. “Okay.” 

Jade leans back against the couch, pulling up some old memories and counting on her fingers. “Okay I think it was... 12 boys, including those two. And three girls.”

Dave's eyebrows are up in his hairline. “Holy shit, Jade. I didn’t take you for the type.”

“Band was a very open environment!”

Dave laughs at that, but Jade is out of couch cushions to throw at him. It’s a shame, because he deserves one. “No, no, it’s fine," he assures her, waving a hand. "I’m not judging you for all of your kiss conquests. Just a lot more impressive than mine, is all.”

Jade crosses her arms over her chest. “Anyways, I am ready to hear about those stories now!”

“Okay, okay." Dave takes a moment to compose himself, stretching out and leaning back against the couch, his head tilted up towards the ceiling. He doesn't look at Jade as he recounts the story, a sort of far-off look in his eye. "So the first girl. Let’s call her TZ. We started talking online, because she was a huge fan of my comics. We ended up being online buddies, real close. I still talk to her every once in a while. Anyways, we met when we were teens, and since we were dumb teens, we started internet dating. IMing late into the night, sending each other shitty image manips, the works. So one time, we finally agreed to meet in person. She was going through Texas for a family thing, and I lived in Texas at the time, so I convinced my Bro to take me out to San Antonio so we could have a date.”

“How romantic!”

Dave snorts. “Yeah. I guess romantic is definitely a word that you could go for there. Anyways, we held hands on the river walk and shit and at the end we kissed. It was cute. I was, like, already planning our wedding all the way on the drive back home: she was gonna wear the tux and I was gonna be wearing the most baller wedding gown you've ever seen, all sorts of lace and trains on that bad boy. Then a week later she dumped me because she wasn’t about that text-to-face dissonance and all. Guess I must have been a shit kisser.”

“That’s terrible!”

Dave shrugs, unconcerned. “Eh, that was ages ago. Like I said, we’re cool now. We still talk every now and then. Last time I heard from her, sounded like she'd gotten herself a girlfriend, so happy endings all around.”

"Well, I'm happy for her," Jade says. “But what about the other two? That’s still two whole kisses you have yet to tell me about!”

“The boy was a lot of kisses, actually,” Dave admits, scratching the back of his head. Jade leans forward.

“Oooh? Do tell!”

Dave shrugs. “Not much to tell. I dated this guy for a year. He was kind of great.”

Jade cocks her head to the side. “He _was_?”

Dave backtracks. “Well. Still is. God, no, it’s not like he died or nothing. I just insulted Will Smith one too many times for him to take. Said it was killing our relationship.” Another shrug. There's something that Dave isn't telling her, but Jade won't try and pry it out of him. It's probably private. 

“Okay. So you probably had just a bunch of relationship kisses with him. Then what about the third one? The other girl?”

“We were bored. And kissed.” 

Jade waits for him to elaborate, but Dave stares straight at her, as though challenging her to ask him for more details. “Well?” she prompts finally.

“That’s what happened.”

“Yeah, but! Who was she? When did it happen? Did you love her?”

Even in the dim lighting, Jade can see the sudden flush that’s risen to Dave’s cheeks, and she has to fight back a grin. A-ha! She is so onto something here.

“It was like. A year ago? In my apartment. We were hanging out and we ended up late talking on the couch together.”

“Aaaaaand?”

Dave shoots her a look. “Aaaaaaand, the moment was right, and we kissed, and then it never got brought up again.”

His tone is... oddly bitter, and Jade is kind of taken aback. He's being weirdly cagey about this one - he'd even been more forthcoming about his ex-boyfriend than this mystery girl. When she thinks about it, Jade comes to a rather startling conclusion. He doesn't want her to know who it is, and there's only one person he knew in New York that she could be aware of...

“Oh my gosh! Did you kiss Rose?" His expression tells her that she absolutely nailed it. "You totally kissed Rose!”

Dave shushes her, a grimace on his face. “Yeah, go shouting it from the rooftops why don’t you? Tell the whole fucking world.”

“Oh, come on. Only Rose is in the house right now. And she already knows!”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that she wants her private business shouted out all over the place.” 

Jade lets out a huff. “Well, fine. I won’t bother you guys about it." Clearly, there are some issues between Rose and Dave that need to be sorted, but Jade is not about to sit here and play couples therapist for the roommates. She decides to change the subject. "But you know, that does sound really familiar.”

Dave still seems on the defensive, shoulders hunched up. “What does?”

“The story you just told! You know. Late at night. Girls staying over. Talking about things. On the couch.” A pause. "Well, near the couch." They're leaning against the couch, at least - surely that counts.

Dave lets out a little laugh, some of the tension beginning to seep from his shoulders. “What. Are you telling me you want a kiss?”

“Maaaaybe.”

“Even after hearing that one girl literally broke up with me after I kissed her?” Still, Dave is leaning in a bit closer. Jade feels her heart pounding. It’s not like this is really unusual for her; she’s kissed boys she’s liked less before. 

But… it has been a while.

“Yes! I mean, now I _have_ to see how just good your kissing is. If it is truly that dreadful, then I should experience it for scien- mmf!”

Before Jade can finish her statement, Dave’s lips are on hers. And, well. Wow. Maybe he’s just had more experience since his teenage floundering, but this is definitely not the kind of kiss worth breaking up over. Quite the opposite, actually.

He pulls back after a few moments, clearly red in the face. “So, uh. Yeah. What’s science say about that?”

“Science needs some time to process the information,” is all that Jade can think to say. “Um- not that you were bad! I just need to think!”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Dave pulls back, sliding across the floor to give her some space. Jade doesn't let him get too far away, though, sliding along after him. The corners of his lips quirk up just a bit. “So - You need me to get out some pillows and blankets? I bet we could make a really fucking rad pillow fort.”

Jade grins. “That sounds perfect.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back with chapter 5! This one might feel a bit weird - it was originally combined with the next chapter, but I separated the two out for reasons that will probably be kind of obvious once you read it. I also didn't get the chance to have anybody else really look it over. Hopefully there aren't any glaring errors!
> 
> That said, I'm hoping the next chapter will be a little bit faster editing-wise - I want to optimistically say it will be ready to go in two weeks? We'll see how it goes.

Dave has a mix of dreams that night. He's thirteen again and chatting to Terezi online while sitting right next to her, and when she smiles her teeth are sharp as knives. But then she seamlessly shifts into Rose, shark's grin shifting to coquettish smile. She's leaning against his shoulder, warm and soft, and Dave can feel every point that their bodies touch. They talk. Just talk. Neither of them make a move, but he has the sense that she's going to, any moment now. 

He turns away for just a moment as a crow perches in the window, and when he turns back, Rose has turned into Jade, all wild hair and wild grins. They're kissing again, though this time there's no pulling back, no sheepish grins and promises to think on it. When they finally do break away, it feels like it's been hours, and Dave realizes he's been kissing John instead, but that's not really so bad, is it?

The world shifts as Dave feels a blanket being pulled out from under him, and he is very suddenly unrolled from his comfortable blanket burrito and onto the floor. He blinks up blearily at the ceiling, then at the chaotic state of the living room. There are pillows and blankets pulled into approximations of architecture, though a few walls and ceilings have collapsed overnight. Right - how could he have forgotten the pillow fort?

Standing over it all is Rose, who is looking down at him with a single raised eyebrow. In her hand, she holds the other end of his blanket, which explains his sudden wake up call. 

“What do you want, Rose?” he grunts, sitting up and pushing his shades back into their proper place on his face.

“For starters, I have a couple of questions about how a pillow fort seems to have spontaneously appeared in our living room,” she says, one hand on her hip while she uses the other to gesture at all of the pillows and blankets that Dave had pulled out of his own room. “Also, I admit I am somewhat curious as to why Jade is still here. Not that she is not allowed to stay the night, but I must wonder what sort of discussion landed you in this position when she otherwise seemed quite confident in her ability to walk home.”

Dave shrugs. He is not about to tell her about the discussion, in part because she had been a subject of it, and also in part because telling her he had kissed Jade would open the floodgates of Rose's psychoanalysis and interrogation methods. “It seemed like it would be dangerous to send her home alone, you know?”

Rose raises a skeptical eyebrow. “It’s a suburban neighborhood, Dave.”

“You said it yourself. There’s monsters out there.” He makes a dramatic wiggling motion with his fingers to emphasize how dark and spooky that is. “Anyways, it was dark. She could have tripped or something.”

“And you driving her home was not on the table?”

“A sleepover sounded like more fun,” is Dave’s simple explanation.

“Hmm.” Rose doesn't comment further, and instead walks over to the lump in the blankets that Dave can only assume is Jade. Rose gently shakes the lump and is rewarded with some unattractive snorting, but otherwise the lump does not move.

Rose looks up at Dave with a “can you believe this?” expression on her face, and shakes the lump a little bit more. Still no sign of movement.

“She sleeps like the dead,” Dave remarks.

“That she does.” Another shake. “Jade?” Rose prompts. “Are you up? It’s about nine in the morning.”

Still no response. At this point, Dave can’t help but wonder whether or not she might be actually dead somehow, and so he crawls over to the blanket lump to try and start to unearth her from her fabric-y cocoon. It takes a couple of tugs, but soon her face is visible. She’s clearly still alive and breathing, but she’s out like a light, and her glasses are splayed diagonally across her face.

Dave's heart does a little jump. This shouldn’t look as cute as it is.

He slaps her face very lightly, trying to get a rise out of her. “Hey, Jade,” he says, voice soft and gentle. “I know we partied pretty hard last night, but it’s time for you to get up now. Come on, if you don’t say anything, I’ll start telling Rose all sorts of embarrassing stories about you, like that time that you kissed a boy in fifth grade…”

And nothing. He looks up to Rose, who is raising an eyebrow at him. “Should I get a glass of water?” she offers. “It will be a rude awakening, but we do need to kick her out of our house at some point.”

“Yeah, might as well.”

Rose strolls away, and Dave takes the opportunity to play with Jade’s hair a little bit, forming tiny little braids and brushing it out. It's become a large tangle mess over the course of the night; he can't imagine how long Jade has to spend brushing it all on the average morning.

Rose is back in short order with a full glass of water from the sink. “No more luck waking her up?” she asks.

“Nope. We’re gonna have to go with the worst case scenario here." Dave scoots backwards to distance himself from the splash zone. "Release the water.”

Rose gives him a grim nod, and then turns the glass of water, dumping half of it directly onto Jade’s face. Thankfully, this finally does the trick, and Jade sits up so fast that she nearly headbutts Dave in the process. 

“Woah! Cold! Really cold!” She shakes her head rapidly, spraying water everywhere like a dog trying to dry off, then fixes Dave and Rose with a betrayed expression. “Why would you do that?”

“Well, it seemed that you were unlikely to wake up otherwise, and we wanted to make sure we wouldn’t be calling John up to inform him that his beloved friend and roommate had fallen into a coma,” Rose replies, taking a swig of the water that’s left in the cup. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes! Well, until _somebody_ decided to pour water on me.”

Rose sets the now-empty glass down on the nearby coffee table “I’m afraid that you run such risks when you decide to fall asleep in our living room.”

Jade just groans in response, sitting up and adjusting her glasses so that she can see out of them properly again. “I guess I should have warned you I’m a deep sleeper. To be honest, I just wake up whenever I wake up! Alarms only work for me like half of the time. It is very annoying.”

“How tragic,” Rose intones. “Would you like coffee?”

“Coffee sounds amazing!”

The three of them extract themselves from the blanket fort and move to the kitchen table, where Dave graciously gives Jade a kitchen towel to dry herself off with. She still eyes Rose with some suspicion, undoubtedly wary after her wet awakening, but cheers up a bit over coffee. Dave, for his part, just sticks to apple juice. No reason to caffeinate himself if he doesn’t have to be anywhere.

“So,” Rose says, once they’ve all settled in. “You never really specified what you do for a living, Jade.”

“Whatever I want!” Jade responds. That earns gets her a raised eyebrow.

“So… you’re unemployed?”

“No? Well, sort of?" Jade runs a hand through her hair, letting her fingers gently catch and unknot some of her tangles. "I kind of do a lot of different things. I worked with my grandpa to develop and patent a more efficient nuclear engine that some big reactors have adopted, so I still make a bit of money off of that. I tutor local kids when school is in session. Sometimes I give tours of the local area… It’s just a lot of odd jobs, really! I like it that way.”

Dave's eyebrows shoot right up at that. "Wait, hold up. A nuclear engine? Are you shitting me?"

"I am not shitting you!" Jade's eyebrows knit together, and she sits up very straight. "It's kind of a family hobby. I haven't done much tinkering here, since I don't have the proper safety equipment, but I used to work in the lab with Grandpa all the time."

Dave decides not to push the issue. He remembers the dead Grandpa thing from last night, and doesn't want to tread on delicate territory. "So basically right now you just kind of shit around and do whatever jobs you feel like?"

Jade's posture relaxes. "Yeah, basically!"

“It sounds similar to what Dave does," Rose says, chiming in, "only your contributions are somewhat more beneficial to society as a whole.”

Dave scoffs. “Excuse you, Rose. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff is all kinds of beneficial to society as a whole.”

Jade laughs, hiding her grin behind her hand. “Yeah, I think that Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff is a lot more beneficial than I am!”

“See, she gets it,” Dave says.

Rose shakes her head, but makes no attempt to argue. Dave is sure that in a few days he'll have an anonymous, carefully worded essay about the societal impact of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff sitting in his inbox. 

He can't wait. 

Conversation continues amicably, meandering through Jade's various part time gigs before moving onto Rose and Dave's work history, which is as spotty and unimpressive as anything. Rose does an excellent job of cleverly phrasing "I tried to make it as a writer in New York City for two years before my mother's passive aggression got to me and I moved here instead." She'll rock a future job interview for sure.

After about half an hour of shooting the breeze, Jade looks down at her watch and jolts up. “Oh! I should probably get going. I promised the library I'd come by and see if I can fix up some of their old computers. But thanks for having me over, you guys! It was a lot of fun!”

“Yeah, it was great having you,” Dave says. “We should do it again sometime. You want to trade out numbers? I've got John's digits, but yours remain as elusive as Rose's monster.” He’s about to leave it there, but some bolder part of him adds, “And, you know, if you want to hang out with just me sometime, we could plan that too.”

He doesn’t look in Rose’s direction. He’s pretty sure that he already knows exactly what her reaction is.

Jade's reaction is thankfully positive - eyebrows raised, but her mouth curved into a big, buck-toothed smile. “Oh, of course! Here, just type them into my phone, and then I can text you…” She hands him her phone, which would normally be Dave's cue to fuck with it as much as possible. But for now, he's too excited about getting a cute girl's number to even consider taking the time to change her phone background to a man in a banana suit.

“Do be warned,” Rose says, once he hands it back, “that if Dave is bored, you will not hear the end of him texting you. But I am glad that I no longer need to worry about shouldering this terrible burden alone.”

Dave shoots her the expected hurt expression. “I only send the most interesting of observations to the people that I text on a daily basis and you know it. And sometimes I send fresh as hell raps too. Anybody would be lucky to have my number.”

“Luck is relative. That said, Jade, would you mind exchanging numbers with me as well?” Rose turns to look Dave in the eye for her next statement. “That way, should you want to hang out one on one with me, we can arrange that without any pesky boys nosing in on our plans.”

Cold, Lalonde. Cold.

Still, Jade exchanges phone numbers with Rose too, with a little giggle to boot. Dave is suddenly suspicious. Rose has set forth some kind of challenge, but he isn't sure exactly what kind of challenge it is. Who can spend the most time with Jade? Who can be her best friend? Who can woo her?

Well, if it's the latter, Dave figures he's got a head start.

\-----

"Dave," Rose had said about an hour ago. "I want to try going on more trails this week, to see if we can't come across some more dead deer or beat down bushes. Can I count on your ever-present companionship?"

"Yeah, you know me, always up for the dopest looking dead shit nature can provide," Dave had replied. "I'll tag along, no problem."

Yet there _is_ a problem, and that problem comes in the form of tiny, blood-sucking fiends. The bug bites from the first trail they'd gone on had only just stopped itching, and Dave is not going to risk a sequel to The Itchening. He needs a weapon. Something on his side to even the battle field.

He needs bug spray.

Dave shuffles into his local Walgreens, his shades firmly in place, ignoring the cashiers and seasonal displays as he makes a beeline for the aisle with outdoor goods. He ducks into the appropriate aisle and carefully feels down the aisle for the can he's looking for while his gaze wanders to the opposite aisle. Do they need more toilet paper? It's hard telling, with Rose's habit of stealing from his bathroom when she runs out...

"Hey, watch what you're grabbing for, asshole!" 

Rather grabbing the cold, smooth canister of bug spray, Dave finds himself grabbing a warm, somewhat calloused hand. That's not supposed to be there. He turns his head and slowly lowers his shades with his free hand. He is currently gripping onto the hand of a girl who practically screams "touch me and die." She has long, stringy hair, dyed in streaks of blue, a gaudy eyepatch over her left eye, ripped jeans, and the most pissed off expression he's ever seen.

Because Dave likes to tempt death, he doesn't let go. 

"No. I found exactly what I'm looking for. Run away with me so we can elope, no matter what our parents think. They know nothing of our love." Every word comes out in a deadpan, but he can't tell if the girl knows he's joking or not. At some point, it doesn't really matter. It might be funnier if she doesn't get it.

What Dave gets in response is a very ugly grimace as she tears her hand away from his, then takes a few steps back so he can't do it again. "Fuck, I didn't realize the people here were so weird."

That catches Dave's attention. "Woah, hang on, are you new too?" It seems likely; her appearance is a bit too outlandish for her to be a local. That gets Dave's hopes up a little. Jade and John are great, of course, but the opportunity to have a wider social circle here definitely catches his interest. Maybe he could actually have more than three offline friends.

The woman seems cautious about speaking to him, but she isn't running away yet. That's a start. "Yeah," she says. "Got in about a week ago. What's it to you?"

"Cool, cool." God, how does normal human interaction work again? "That's cool. Me and my roommate actually only moved in like two weeks ago, so we're newbies too. Neighborhoods here are nice, though. Quiet."

She already looks bored. "Yeah, hate to break it to you, weirdo, but I'm not exactly planning to live here. I'm just staying in one of the motels up the road."

"Oh." Dave stuffs his hands in his pockets and kicks out his feet a bit. "Well, what are you here for? Visiting family or something?"

"Ugh, no way! That sounds so booooooooring." She draws out the word and rolls her eyes (eye?) at the same time. "I'm here to hunt monsters!"

It all clicks together. Right. Rose isn't the only person ridiculous enough to charge in and try to find ridiculous monsters here. "Well, what a coincidence. That's what me and my roommie are here to do, too. Only we're dedicated to the cause. We got a house and everything, settling down some roots, getting the local yokles to trust us so that they spill all the down and dirty deets of whatever kind of bullshit they're hiding here." A pause. The girl just stares at him, and he can almost hear the sound of her brain trying to translate his bullshit back into English. "You want my number?" he adds. "I could get you in touch with my roommate. You guys could collaborate on monster hunting together. I'm sure you'll be BFFs in no time."

"Are you trying to ask me out?" she asks, raising an eyebrow. "Because I'll have you know that I am waaaaaaaay out of your league."

Dave pulls his hands out of his pockets and holds them up in a pacifying gesture. "Wooah, no way. Everything about this number exchange is one hundred percent platonic. Like, trust me, I don't make it a habit of asking out random chicks at drug stores. Especially not ones that are out looking for monsters. I've read enough paranatural romances in my life to know that I'm just gonna get dumped the minute you find a vampire or something, and I'm not about that life."

He also doesn't want to jeopardize whatever it is that he might end up having with Jade, even if right now what that is exactly is vague and unsure. And even if he were in the running for a girlfriend, he really doesn't need any more monster hunters in his life. One is bad enough. 

He's still getting a weird look from the other girl, but she isn't saying no. In fact, she's pulling out her phone. "Well, fine. I guess I could use an informant. You said you're looking for monsters, too?"

"Yeah. More or less. I mean, I'm more like the plucky sidekick on this mission while Rose does all of the hardcore monster hunting, but I'm definitely still involved in the whole process."

"Whatever you say." She shrugs. "Just give me your name and your number, and I'll text you mine. Then you need to text me anything you learn about the monsters. Capiche?" 

Dave gives her his name and number, but he can't quite stop there. "Oh my god. Did you just use capiche with like, 100 percent sincerity?" he asks, a little grin on his face. "I didn't even think that was a thing outside of mobster movies. You sure you didn't get it mixed up? Mobster is pretty close to monster, like did someone with a head cold tell you to go-"

"Shut up! God, you are infuriating!" She's practically baring her teeth at him, and it's enough for Dave to back down. He even mimes zipping his lips shut, just to show her his dedication to shutting up. Her shoulders relax when she sees he's done talking. "So like I said, this is a business number only. If you text me about anything other than monsters and where to track them, I will take my awesome monster-hunting gun and shove it up your ass. Understood?"

He gives her a salute. "Crystal clear."

"Good." She pockets her phone before tossing some hair over her shoulder. "Anyways, I've got to go. I have aaaaaaaall sorts of important places to be, people to see. I can't afford to waste the whole day on a newbie monster hunter like you. But maybe if you're lucky, someday I will drop by and give you some pointers." With that, she pushes past him, and saunters out of the store without buying anything. Dave stares after her, his eyebrows rising up beneath his bangs.

He can't tell if he's made a new friend or not.


	6. Interlude I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR A CHAPTER OF TEXT LOGS. Also, sorry there's no picture this chapter - an illustration didn't really seem like it'd fit.
> 
> Anyways, next chapter has some big Plot Stuff and will hopefully be up sometime mid-August!

Unknown Number [10/05/15 9:18 PM]: Hey! This is that awesome girl you met at the drug store. You said your roomm8 is a monster hunter????????  
Dave [10/05/15 9:19 PM]: sure did  
Dave [10/05/15 9:19 PM]: anyways whats your name i realize that i never actually got it  
Dave [10/05/15 9:19 PM]: if you dont tell me im just gonna put supernatural romance heroine in so you know fair warning there  
Unknown Number [10/02/15 9:20 PM]: Wow, you are just as insufferable over text as you are in person!  
Unknown Number [10/02/15 9:21 PM]: But the name's Vriska Serket.   
Dave [10/05/15 9:21 PM]: vriska huh  
Dave [10/05/15 9:22 PM]: cool name  
Vriska [10/05/15 9:23 PM]: Like I would let myself have a name that wasn't cool.  
Vriska [10/05/15 9:23 PM]: Anyways, tell me more about this roomm8 of yours.  
Vriska [10/05/15 9:24 PM]: Has she found anything?   
Dave [10/05/15 9:25 PM]: nah not really just some dead deer and junk  
Vriska [10/05/15 9:25 PM]: A dead dear???????? Any idea what killed it?  
Dave [10/05/15 9:27 PM]: she insists it was some kind of big creature undocumented by science but idk its probably just a bear or something  
Dave [10/05/15 9:28 PM]: maybe a wolf  
Vriska [10/05/15 9:38 PM]: A wolf, huh.  
Vriska [10/05/15 9:38 PM]: How veeeeeeeery interesting........

Jade [10/06/15 11:00 AM]: good morning dave! :)  
Dave [10/06/15 11:02 AM]: new number who dis  
Dave [10/06/15 11:03 AM]: nah im just fucking with you  
Dave [10/06/15 11:03 AM]: morning jade whats up in harley world  
Jade [10/06/15 11:05 AM]: not much! :D  
Jade [10/06/15 11:06 AM]: in fact i am kind of bored because john is at work  
Dave [10/06/15 11:07 AM]: well thats a fucking tragedy is what that is  
Dave [10/06/15 11:07 AM]: who could leave behind a cute girl like you  
Jade [10/06/15 11:07 AM]: omg mr strider are you…….  
Jade [10/06/15 11:08 AM]: FLIRTING with me? ;)  
Dave [10/06/15 11:08 AM]: shit i dont know am i  
Dave [10/06/15 11:10 AM]: is telling a cute girl shes cute flirting  
Dave [10/06/15 11:11 AM]: to me its more like just stating self evident facts that anybody with eyes is totally understanding and knowledgeable of  
Jade [10/06/15 11:12 AM]: oh yeah? totally knowledgeable huh? :P  
Dave [10/06/15 11:14 AM]: yeah anybody would agree you could text rose and shed agree you could text john and hed agree  
Dave [10/06/15 11:14 AM]: thats just what it is to be as cute as jade harley this is the burden you must carry  
Jade [10/06/15 11:18 AM]: lol well what if i texted rose and john and asked if YOU were cute  
Dave [10/06/15 11:20 AM]: they would say i was the coolest dude that theyd ever laid eyes on  
Dave [10/06/15 11:20 AM]: like just looking at me was enough to chill their eyeballs and drop them to below zero kelvin  
Dave [10/06/15 11:21 AM]: these frozen ice cubes of eyeballs just kinda tumble right on outta there roll across the floor  
Dave [10/06/15 11:21 AM]: you can use those fuckers as marbles now  
Jade [10/06/15 11:22 AM]: dave!!! GROSS!  
Jade [10/06/15 11:22 AM]: also you cannot have anything at below zero kelvin that is scientifically impossible!  
Dave [10/06/15 11:23 AM]: well thats just how cool i am its literally universe breaking  
Jade [10/06/15 11:25 AM]: no that just means you are a lying liar who knows SHIT about science :P  
Dave [10/06/15 11:26 AM]: harsh  
Jade [10/06/15 11:27 AM]: you are just lucky you are so cute!!!

Jade [10/08/15 1:23 PM]: hi rose!! :D  
Rose [10/08/15 1:32 PM]: Why, hello Jade. To what do I owe the immense pleasure of this text message?  
Jade [10/08/15 1:34 PM]: nothing much! :o i just wanted to say hi  
Jade [10/08/15 1:35 PM]: also dave blogged about all of the mosquito bites he got even though its october :P  
Jade [10/08/15 1:35 PM]: i take it you guys went out on another nature mission?  
Rose [10/08/15 1:40 PM]: So we did.   
Jade [10/08/15 1:42 PM]: how did it go?? did you find anything cool? :o  
Rose [10/08/15 1:50 PM]: I suppose that depends on your definition of "cool."   
Rose [10/08/15 1:51 PM]: I did discover that your local mosquito population is quite resilient. Were I an entomologist, perhaps I would trap a few of them for study.  
Rose [10/08/15 1:52 PM]: Maybe the real cryptids were the blood-sucking mosquitos we met along the way.  
Jade [10/08/15 1:53 PM]: lol :D  
Jade [10/08/15 1:53 PM]: so no signs of big bad monsters?  
Rose [10/08/15 2:00 PM]: Unfortunately, no.   
Rose [10/08/15 2:03 PM]: Why the sudden interest, though? Last I heard, you were of the impression that there are no monsters in the woods.   
Jade [10/08/15 2:04 PM]: well yes :P  
Jade [10/08/15 2:05 PM]: but i am a scientist! i am willing to be proven wrong if you can find evidence  
Rose [10/08/15 2:07 PM]: Well, rest assured that one day I will return to you with irrefutable evidence of the monster that lives in your woods.  
Rose [10/08/15 4:13 PM]: ...But perhaps that can wait until the bugs have died out for the winter.

John [10/08/15 6:30 PM]: hey, rose!  
Rose [10/08/15 6:52 PM]: Hello, John.  
Rose [10/08/15 6:53 PM]: It seems I'm quite popular today. Are you also here to inquire about my success in finding my monster of legend? Here to rub my face in the fact that your local woods are completely normal and have no unidentified fauna?  
John [10/08/15 6: 57 PM]: uh, no. that is not why i texted you.  
John [10/08/15 6:58 PM]: though i am sorry to hear that your monster hunt did not go the way you wanted it to.   
John [10/08/15 6:58 PM]: i wanted to see if you wanted to go to a movie with me!  
Rose [10/08/15 7:00 PM]: A movie?   
John [10/08/15 7:02 PM]: a movie! you know, those moving pictures they put up on the big screen. :P   
John [10/08/15 7:02 PM]:i was thinking that one horror movie with the creepy grandparents.  
John [10/08/15 7:03 PM]: the visit or whatever it is?   
Rose [10/08/15 7:15 PM]: Ah. Well, I am afraid I have important analyses to do.  
John [10/08/15 7:16 PM]: when? i can try and work around you!  
Rose [10/08/15 7:17 PM]: Always. I am always analyzing everything, for science. In fact, I should start analyzing things right now. Goodbye.  
John [10/08/15 7:18 PM]: uh, okay, if you're sure.

John [10/09/15 11:08 AM]: hey, dave. i have a question!  
Dave [10/09/15 11:08 AM]: fire away  
John [10/09/15 11:10 AM]: has rose always been so… weird?  
Dave [10/09/15 11:11 AM]: what do you mean  
John [10/09/15 11:13 AM]: well…. you know! weird about all of this monster stuff! every time i try to talk to her, just one friend to another, she usually ends up diverting it back to her weird monster hunt.   
John [10/09/15 11:14 AM]: like i asked if she’d be free to go to a movie sometime and she said that she had important analyses to do!  
Dave [10/09/15 11:15 AM]: well john i hate to break this to you but it sounds like she was turning you down for a date  
John [10/09/15 11:16 AM]: what! no! it wasn’t a date, dave.  
John [10/09/15 11:18 AM]: i mean rose is very pretty, and i am sure that she would make a very good girlfriend, but i am in no way interested in messing with matters of the heart.  
John [10/09/15 11:19 AM]: i have watched enough movies and tv shows to know that the second that people start dating in a friend group is the moment that everything falls apart!  
John [10/09/15 11:19 AM]: i just thought that she would like this movie.   
Dave [10/09/15 11:20 AM]: what movie was it  
John [10/09/15 11:21 AM]: it was this new horror movie! you know the one with the creepy grandparents and stuff.   
John [10/09/15 11:22 AM]: rose is so creepy that i thought she’d totally love it!   
Dave [10/09/15 11:23 AM]: ahahahaha oh man  
Dave [10/09/15 11:23 AM]: you invited rose to a horror movie  
John [10/09/15 11:24 AM]: ….yes??? what is wrong with that?  
Dave [10/09/15 11:25 AM]: look dont tell rose i told you thing because she will gut me and hang my pitiful dried remains across the entryway to your home  
Dave [10/09/15 11:25 AM]: but rose is honest to god scared of horror movies  
John [10/09/15 11:26 AM]: what! no way, you are joshing me.  
Dave [10/09/15 11:26 AM]: no dude she is the biggest scardey cat that ive ever known  
Dave [10/09/15 11:26 AM]: send her to a horror flick and shell sleep with the lights on for like a week after  
Dave [10/09/15 11:27 AM]: she definitely tries to pretend like shes this dark unflappable mistress of the night but that is just a front for the tentacle loving goober underneath  
John [10/09/15 11:28 AM]: wait, no, that doesn’t make sense, though.   
John [10/09/15 11:28 AM]: she is literally a monster hunter! she goes OUT into the WOODS and LOOKS FOR MONSTERS!!  
John [10/09/15 11:29 AM]: how on earth can she be scared of horror movies? that’s ridiculous!  
Dave [10/09/15 11:30 AM]: dont ask me man i dont live in her head  
Dave [10/09/15 11:30 AM]: but you know thats a really good point  
Dave [10/09/15 11:31 AM]: either she doesnt believe shes gonna find anything which i guess is possible but weird  
Dave [10/09/15 11:31 AM]: or shes only scared of monsters when theyre on the big screen  
Dave [10/09/15 11:32 AM]: okay look dont ask her about it but im gonna devise a brilliant plan and figure out what roses deal is here  
John [10/09/15 11:35 AM]: uh? okay, dave. whatever floats your boat.

Dave [10/09/15 11:40 AM]: hey rose  
Dave [10/09/15 11:40 AM]: why are you scared of horror movies  
Rose [10/09/15 11:41 AM]: Excuse me?  
Dave [10/09/15 11:41 AM]: you heard me  
Dave [10/09/15 11:41 AM]: or read me i guess unless you used the text to voice feature on your phone which is definitely a thing but not a thing that you use  
Dave [10/09/15 11:42 AM]: also i probably would have heard it too since were in the same house and yes i can hear you scoffing through the wall  
Rose [10/09/15 11:43 AM]: How perceptive of you.  
Dave [10/09/15 11:43 AM]: but yeah why are you scared of horror movies  
Rose [10/09/15 11:44 AM]: Believe it or not, Dave, horror movies are meant to elicit fear from their viewers. They rely on some basics of sound design in order to get the adrenaline rushing, and exploit that for sweet cash and predictable plot points.   
Dave [10/09/15 11:44 AM]: okay sure but  
Dave [10/09/15 11:44 AM]: you realize you are literally attempting to live a horror movie right now  
Rose [10/09/15 11:45 AM]: Excuse me?  
Dave [10/09/15 11:45 AM]: you know with your monsterquest 2015  
Dave [10/09/15 11:45 AM]: this is literally going out into a place where you think there is weird shit going on   
Dave [10/09/15 11:46 AM]: then getting your nancy drew on and seeing whether or not there actually is some freaky shit going on here or if its just a hoax but if youre to be believed then youre pretty sure that freaky shit is a thing  
Dave [10/09/15 11:46 AM]: so like  
Dave [10/09/15 11:46 AM]: what gives  
Rose [10/09/15 11:47 AM]: I believe the difference here is the nature of the horror movie, Dave.  
Rose [10/09/15 11:47 AM]: I am not going out to hunt ghosts or demons or anything of the like. In fact, I am not even expecting anything along the lines of vampires, or even wendigos.   
Rose [10/09/15 11:48 AM]: I am looking for a cryptid. A type of beast that Biology has yet to classify, but that I will soon classify. Naturally, this gains me both acclaim in finding a new large mammal on the North American continent, while also giving me naming rights for the newly discovered species.  
Dave [10/09/15 11:48 AM]: oh holy shit youre right biology functions on that whole if you find it you name it kind of shit  
Dave [10/09/15 11:49 AM]: whatre you gonna name it like bearus lalondus or whatever  
Dave [10/09/15 11:50 AM]: if im really cool and nice to you will you name it after me i think that strider is a pretty cool name for a blood thirsty mammal out there eating poor innocent deers  
Rose [10/09/15 11:51 AM]: I wouldn’t push my luck if I were you.  
Dave [10/09/15 11:51 AM]: aw come on rose you know itd be awesome  
Dave [10/09/15 11:52 AM]: and when you win your award in monster finding and stuff you can mention me in your victory speech all like oh yes this is dave strider  
Dave [10/09/15 11:53 AM]: he is the coolest and most chill roommate a girl could ask for and he was really an emotional rock throughout this entire process  
Dave [10/09/15 11:53 AM]: he encouraged my increasing paranoia about whether or not there was actually a giant bear running throughout the woods and totally tolerated all of my rambles about how i hoped it had tentacles because id read enough hentai to know what i was hoping for  
Dave [10/09/15 11:54 AM]: rose why did i hear the door slam just now  
Dave [10/09/15 11:54 AM]: rose where are you going  
Dave [10/09/15 11:54 AM]: rose njsdljsf;lkd

Dave [10/16/15 11:08 PM]: hey so jade i was thinking  
Jade [10/16/15 11:08 PM]: yes? :o  
Dave [10/16/15 11:08 PM]: well you know weve been friends for like  
Dave [10/16/15 11:11 PM]: what three weeks?  
Dave [10/16/15 11:11 PM]: but youve read all of sbahj  
Dave [10/16/15 11:12 PM]: and all of my blogs so imo that accelerates our friendship by like three years or something  
Jade [10/16/15 11:14 PM]: they are all very entertaining! :)  
Dave [10/16/15 11:15 PM]: youve got some good taste  
Dave [10/16/15 11:15 PM]: anyways heres the thing im trying to get at  
Dave [10/16/15 11:17 PM]: like for the past couple of weeks weve been ignoring a thing  
Jade [10/16/15 11:18 PM]: a thing?  
Dave [10/16/15 11:18 PM]: a thing  
Jade [10/16/15 11:18 PM]: what sort of thing?  
Dave [10/16/15 11:20 PM]: well you know how like our second time hanging out we made that rad pillow fort and talked about stuff and maybe we had our faces touch each other and whatnot  
Jade [10/16/15 11:21 PM]: dave  
Dave [10/16/15 11:21 PM]: jade  
Jade [10/16/15 11:21 PM]: are you asking me out?   
Dave [10/16/15 11:21 PM]: for fucks sake  
Dave [10/16/15 11:23 PM]: jade are you psychic or something? do you have a crystal ball tucked away underneath your shirt that you hide from us?  
Jade [10/16/15 11:24 PM]: yes dave that is exactly it!!! you got it! :P  
Jade [10/16/15 11:24 PM]: i am in fact a very talented psychic who knows the entire future  
Dave [10/16/15 11:26 PM]: okay but seriously was i being that obvious  
Jade [10/16/15 11:26 PM]: yes!!! and i also know you well enough by now to know…….  
Jade [10/16/15 11:27 PM]: that if i waited for you to actually ASK then i would be here all day and then that would take time out from us actually planning out our very first date :)  
Dave [10/16/15 11:27 PM]: oh yeah  
Dave [10/16/15 11:27 PM]: what do you want to do  
Jade [10/16/15 11:28 PM]: i want it to be fun!  
Dave [10/16/15 11:29 PM]: well shit there goes my plans to do some tax audits and stuff  
Dave [10/16/15 11:30 PM]: sitting in on a class about accounting  
Jade [10/16/15 11:31 PM]: honestly that could be helpful ._.  
Jade [10/16/15 11:31 PM]: finances are confusing and weird and i hate them  
Dave [10/16/15 11:32 PM]: what seriously theyre not that bad you just gotta make sure that one side equals the others and follow the instructions in the forms  
Dave [10/16/15 11:32 PM]: you developed a nuclear engine how is that less confusing than accounting  
Jade [10/16/15 11:33 PM]: its just different okay!  
Dave [10/16/15 11:34 PM]: anyways this is totally unimportant what is important here is that we are not filling out tax forms for our date  
Dave [10/16/15 11:34 PM]: how does a picnic sound  
Dave [10/16/15 11:35 PM]: should still be nice enough out with all of the fall weather going on around here  
Dave [10/16/15 11:35 PM]: and im sure you know of some good nice spots to sit around and eat in right  
Jade [10/16/15 11:36 PM]: that sounds…………  
Jade [10/16/15 11:38 PM]: amazing! :D  
Jade [10/16/15 11:38 PM]: i cant wait!   
Jade [10/16/15 11:39 PM]: when are we going?  
Dave [10/16/15 11:40 PM]: well neither of us work real schedules so lets pick a weird time  
Dave [10/16/15 11:42 PM]: like wednesday three o’ clock sound good  
Jade [10/16/15 11:43 PM]: sounds perfect! <3

John [10/20/15 3:00 PM]: so. i hear you are taking jade out for a date tomorrow.  
Dave [10/20/15 3:06 PM]: yeah  
Dave [10/20/15 3:06 PM]: whats it to you  
Dave [10/20/15 3:07 PM]: are you going to do the whole big brother thing like dont break her heart or ill gut you with my strong man hands  
John [10/20/15 3:08 PM]: wait what? no!  
John [10/20/15 3:08 PM]: for one jade is not my sister, she is just my roommate and my friend.  
John [10/20/15 3:09 PM]: and i am not going to gut you with my man hands!  
John [10/20/15 3:09 PM]: but i guess i do kind of want to warn you?   
John [10/20/15 3:10 PM]: like jade is really nice and all and she is a very cool person and i can see why you would want to date her, definitely.  
John [10/20/15 3:10 PM]: but don’t treat her like um.   
John [10/20/15 3:11 PM]: okay, i know there’s a term for this! like a…. maniacal pixie fairy?  
Dave [10/20/15 3:12 PM]: omg  
John [10/20/15 3:12 PM]: shut up! that wasn’t it! but it was something like that!  
Dave [10/20/15 3:13 PM]: are you trying to give me the whole manic pixie dream girl schtik right now john  
John [10/20/15 3:14 PM]: oh! manic pixie dream girl! yeah that was it.   
John [10/20/15 3:15 PM]: and yes! but also no. jade may seem like one of those because she is pretty and awesome, but that doesn’t mean that you can treat her like one!  
John [10/20/15 3:15 PM]: she is still a real human with real human emotions and she is not just here to be cute and dateable.  
Dave [10/20/15 3:16 PM]: look john i understand what youre doing and i respect that you are trying to protect jade and all  
Dave [10/20/15 3:16 PM]: but there is no universe in which this does not sound exactly like a big brother trying to be protective over his little sister  
John [10/20/15 3:18 PM]: i. am. NOT. jade’s brother!!!!  
John [10/20/15 3:18 PM]: anyways she’s older than me.   
John [10/20/15 3:19 PM]: so she should be the one having big sister conversations trying to protect me from uh. i don’t know. rose i guess.  
Dave [10/20/15 3:20 PM]: are you into rose  
John [10/20/15 3:20 PM]: i never said i was into rose!  
Dave [10/20/15 3:21 PM]: but you never said you werent into her either   
Dave [10/20/15 3:21 PM]: see here we have an example that i like to call schrodingers crush  
Dave [10/20/15 3:22 PM]: until i have evidence either way you simultaneously do and do not have a crush on rose lalonde  
Dave [10/20/15 3:22 PM]: what do you make of that  
John [10/20/15 3:23 PM]: what i make of that is that you are an annoying asshole and i am completely right to be warning you about breaking jade’s heart.  
John [10/20/15 3:23 PM]: anyways, isn’t rose gay? i mean, she put the pink peg in the car during the game of life so….  
Dave [10/20/15 3:26 PM]: rose definitely macks on girls but uh  
Dave [10/20/15 3:29 PM]: i dont think thats all she macks on  
Dave [10/20/15 3:30 PM]: like girls might be her favorite but i dont think its an exclusive thing or whatever  
John [10/20/15 3:31 PM]: oh. huh.  
Dave [10/20/15 3:32 PM]: okay now john before you decide to pursue rose there is one thing i have to tell you   
Dave [10/20/15 3:33 PM]: its important ok if you fuck this up then you might have to face the wrath of my very manly physique and my pure raw unfiltered anger  
Dave [10/20/15 3:33 PM]: rose is not your manic pixie dream girl  
John [10/20/15 3:34 PM]: ugh! dave! you are the worst!  
John [10/20/15 3:34 PM]: forget i ever said ANYTHING.  
John [10/20/15 3:35 PM]: and enjoy your date.  
Dave [10/20/15 3:40 PM]: im planning on it

John [10/21/15 5:02 PM]: sooooo.....  
Jade [10/21/15 5:08 PM]: soooo? :o  
John [10/21/15 5:09 PM]: how did it go?  
John [10/21/15 5:09 PM]: your date with dave, i mean. that was today, right?  
Jade [10/21/15 5:10 PM]: it WAS today! in fact i only just got home  
Jade [10/21/15 5:11 PM]: why do you need to know? i thought you did not care about "matters of the heart" :P  
John [10/21/15 5:12 PM]: i don't! but you are my best friend and i want to check in on how my best friend is doing, even if it involves the aforementioned heart matters.  
John [10/21/15 5:12 PM]: also if he fucked up or something then i can go and beat him up for you.  
Jade [10/21/15 5:14 PM]: well no beating up is needed!!! and even if it were then i can take care of myself  
Jade [10/21/15 5:15 PM]: but it was a lot of fun!!! we just talked and ate snacks and enjoyed the weather  
John [10/21/15 5:16 PM]: did he go in for a kiss?  
Jade [10/21/15 5:17 PM]: geez john! you're so nosy!  
Jade [10/21/15 5:17 PM]: anyways he did not  
Jade [10/21/15 5:18 PM]: but i did ;)  
John [10/21/15 5:22 PM]: huh. okay.  
John [10/21/15 5:23 PM]: do you think you will see him again?  
Jade [10/21/15 5:30 PM]: well.... it is a little complicated to be honest with you  
Jade [10/21/15 5:31 PM]: but i think that i will!

Rose [10/27/15 11:25 AM]: Dave. I have been thinking long and hard about what you said a few weeks ago.  
Dave [10/27/15 11:26 AM]: rose i say a lot of things   
Dave [10/27/15 11:26 AM]: what the fuck is the specific thing you are referring to because honestly you can not expect me to remember every single little thing that i tell you  
Rose [10/27/15 11:28 AM]: The thing about me being scared of horror movies while actively pursuing one. I think you raise an excellent point: I am not taking this project as seriously as I should.  
Dave [10/27/15 11:29 AM]: what the fuck does that mean  
Rose [10/27/15 11:30 AM]: Up until now, I have remained detached from the situation. I have kept myself at a distance and refused to get too close, in fear that I might actually discover something.  
Rose [10/27/15 11:31 AM]: But that is hardly any way for a scientist to act. Can I really consider myself a visionary if I perform my work from the safety of my own home, only daring to venture outside when the sun is out and I have at least one other person by my side?  
Rose [10/27/15 11:32 AM]: No, I cannot. So I’ve decided to take a step forward today. I am going to go out into the wilds and confront this beast myself. It hunts at night, so why did I expect to find it during the day?  
Dave [10/27/15 11:33 AM]: holy shit rose are you serious  
Rose [10/27/15 11:33 AM]: Dave, stop typing. I am not done with my monologuing yet.  
Dave [10/27/15 11:34 AM]: cant you just say this to me in person i am literally in the room next to yours  
Rose [10/27/15 11:34 AM]: No.  
Rose [10/27/15 11:35 AM]: Now, as I was saying. I have been a coward up until now. I know that the creature I am hunting is in fact something that only hunts at night. Ergo, the best way to track it is to go out at night.   
Rose [10/27/15 11:36 AM]: I am going to do that tonight. The moon will be full, providing me as much light as possible.  
Rose [10/27/15 11:37 AM]: So I am going to be out tonight. If I am not back by the morning, please call up a search party, and tell my mother that I died doing her dirty work for her.  
Dave [10/27/15 11:39 AM]: can i talk now  
Rose [10/27/15 11:39 AM]: You may.  
Dave [10/27/15 11:39 AM]: okay good because holy shit rose this is the worst fucking plan i have ever heard you do not just go straight into the maw of a vicious beast you like  
Dave [10/27/15 11:40 AM]: i dont know do anything other than that?  
Dave [10/27/15 11:40 AM]: like there are a billion other options that are a lot better than trying to go and shake hands with a bear that is probably eager to eat you  
Dave [10/27/15 11:40 AM]: like come on rose this is going to be a very bad idea and i wont let you go on your own on account of my being the best roommate in existence who you are going to name your brand new species after   
Dave [10/27/15 11:41 AM]: i need to earn my keep around here okay  
Rose [10/27/15 11:41 AM]: Are you saying that you’ll go with me?  
Rose [10/27/15 11:42 AM]: This could be quite dangerous Dave. You should know that before you agree to help me out. I know that you are the noble type but you don't need to feel obligated to put yourself in danger for my sake. I can handle myself.   
Dave [10/27/15 11:43 AM]: honestly rose can you because i have yet to see you prove you have anything along the lines of really good woodsy skill sets  
Dave [10/27/15 11:43 AM]: like tracking or hunting  
Dave [10/27/15 11:44 AM]: or running away from gigantic hell beasts intent on ripping you limb from limb because thats also a fucking thing let me tell you   
Dave [10/27/15 11:44 AM]: i saw was it did to that deer and i dont want to see the same thing happen to you okay   
Dave [10/27/15 11:45 AM]: i care about you believe it or not and not just because you are paying for this awesome house that i get to live in totally free of charge  
Dave [10/27/15 11:45 AM]: youre my friend and i dont want to see you dead  
Dave [10/27/15 11:46 AM]: especially not from a giant horror bear because holy shit horror bears are not your thing if you are going to die horribly we need to at least make sure that its by tentacle beasts because i know that you wouldnt have it any other way  
Dave [10/27/15 11:46 AM]: but thats me always looking out for your wellbeing and especially your method of death   
Dave [10/27/15 11:46 AM]: so fuck yes i am coming along with you on this illadvised adventure to find a horror beast  
Dave [10/27/15 11:47 AM]: if nothing else as i see you get mauled to death i will pretend that it is by tentacles in order to honor your memory  
Dave [10/27/15 11:47 AM]: here lies rose lalonde the girl who died by tentacles and definitely not bear claws  
Dave [10/27/15 11:47 AM]: scouts honor sir i done see it myself  
Rose [10/27/15 11:48 AM]: Truly, I am lucky to have such a good friend who will come to witness my own death, just to lie about what transpired and preserve my honor.  
Rose [10/27/15 11:48 AM]: Few people are as lucky as I.  
Rose [10/27/15 11:48 AM]: If you insist on accompanying me tonight, then I won’t stop you. But it is BYOF.  
Dave [10/27/15 11:49 AM]: what  
Rose [10/27/15 11:50 AM]: Bring Your Own Flashlight. 


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS.... IT SURE ISN'T MID-AUGUST.
> 
> Needless to say, school sort of kind of took over my life, and it's only now that I've had the mental stamina to get back on the Homestuck fic editing horse. Even after all the time I had to work on this, I'm not sure that this chapter quiiiite lived up to everything I was hoping it would be, but I hope it's at least partially worth the wait.
> 
> I'll try to make sure the next chapter turnaround is less than five months this time but... no promises.

Their car pulls onto the now-familiar parking lot of the hiking trail. The sound of gravel-on-tire is all Rose can hear until Dave parks. Then, everything is silent. She takes a deep breath and turns to Dave, face dimly illuminated by the moonlight. She can just make out his freckles, but tries not to linger on them. She has more important things to focus on now.

Rose slides out of the passenger's seat and pulls out her flashlight, clicking it on. Dave sidles up next to her, sticking close. Despite her warning over text, he had not brought his own flashlight. Still, as long as they stick together, they only need the one. Rose marches out of the parking lot and onto the path, Dave two steps behind her. 

Neither of them speak, though Rose can practically feel Dave's tension radiating off of him as he tries not to start on one of his usual rambles. That had been the one ground rule she had laid for him before coming here: no talking. Rose does not hold any illusion that they’ll be able to stalk through the woods silently, but a few cracking twigs as they walk is very different from Dave providing a running monologue. Cracking twigs might make an animal interested; human voices will scare it away. 

Even with his mouth shut, Dave manages to be the noisiest thing in a mile radius. She can hear his feet like loudspeakers behind her, crunching on every leaf and twig, kicking every rock in their way. She wonders if he's _trying_ to be the loudest thing in a mild radius, or if he really is just that bad at being quiet. 

Still, it's nice to have a familiar presence behind her, because the forest is anything but. The trees seem bigger, stiller at night. The comfortable, shady areas from daytime become pockets of darkness at night that Rose feels as though she could sink into and never return. This might be a pleasant, easy trail during the day, but at night it's as sinister as any Lovecraftian horror story her teenage self might have conjured up.

The darkness also hides dangers: not the danger that Rose is searching for, but something even more insidious. A tree root juts out into the trail, invisible under the shadows. Rose manages to step over it unaware, but Dave is not so lucky.

Rose hears a shouted "Fuck!" and a thud from behind her, and when she turns around, Dave is on the forest floor. His outburst causes the entire forest to rustle, birds and small animals darting from their hiding places out of alarm. 

So much for staying quiet.

Rose sinks down to Dave's level. "Are you alright?" she hisses under her breath.

"Yeah, Rose, I'm totally fine," Dave responds, very much _not_ under his breath. "Apart from the part where mother nature just decided to say 'fuck this one guy in particular' and send out a tree limb all jutting out or whatever to sabotage me." He sits up and reaches down for his ankle, recoiling when his fingers brush against it. The pained lines in his face stand out under the harsh light of Rose's flashlight. 

"Is your ankle-"

"Sprained. No big deal. Been through worse, like honestly this is kindergarten levels of pain. Baby stuff."

If he's able to run his mouth, Rose supposes it can't be too bad. Still, she can't have him limping alongside her exploration. They need to go back. "Well, let's pray it doesn't graduate into first grade levels of pain. I'm not sure it is prepared to get along with the big kids, yet." 

Rose reaches a hand down to help him up, which Dave gratefully takes. He balances himself on his good foot, throwing an arm around her shoulder to stay steady, but he places surprisingly little weight on her. 

"Let's head back," Rose says, turning their three-legged assembly back towards the entrance of the trail. She doesn't want to leave yet, but it can't be helped. She's not going to be able to lug him around, and she isn't leaving him alone here, either. There will be other nights.

"Shit, sorry for ruining your whole adventure tonight," Dave says, and Rose is surprised to hear a tinge of actual regret in those words. "I mean I know you-"

A wolf howls, cutting off Dave's next statement. Rose feels her blood run cold. She reaches out and wraps an arm around Dave's waist, wanting to keep him close, even if it probably won't help. They could already be surrounded, a full pack ready to pounce and kill. It would be her fault. She had wanted to challenge herself, and now she's facing the price.

God! How could she manage to be so goddamn _daft_? 

Another howl sounds.

“So what are you thinking, Rose?” Dave mutters, keeping his voice low. Of course now he's able to stay quiet. “On a scale of one to ten, how cooked is our metaphorical goose? Because I'm thinking burnt to an unrecognizable crisp that even a hungry dog wouldn't take a second look at.”

Rose bites down on her lip. “Wolves don’t normally prey on humans," she offers. "We'll just... start walking out of here slowly. If we don't run, then we don't give it something to chase.”

"You could leave me behi-"

"That isn't an option."

Another howl sounds, but this time, it’s dangerously close. Rose can feel him tense next to her, ready to bolt. Not that he can go anywhere with his ankle. She gets them moving back towards the trailhead at a snail's pace. It's all she can do right now.

A moment later, a huge wolf bursts through the bushes, and Rose feels her heart stop. Shakily, she brings her flashlight up just a couple of inches so that she can get a better look at it. If she's going to be killed, she at least wants to look her death right in the eye.

The wolf stands so that it’s nearly eye level with her, and if it stood on its hind legs, then it would be able to put its front paws on her shoulder with ease. It has dark fur that makes it almost impossible to pick out in the dim lighting of the woods; Rose is sure it serves as excellent camouflage for hunting at night. More surprisingly is the set of brilliant green eyes that stare at them. 

For now, the wolf is not doing anything overly aggressive - it is simply standing there, observing them quietly. Rose thinks that she can see its nose at work, trying to sniff them out too, but it's too dark to tell for sure. Rose thinks back to the few times she has seen wolves before - in zoos or wildlife reserves. They didn't look anywhere near this big, but then again, she hadn't gotten anywhere near this close to them. 

She can feel Dave relax beside her. "You think we're safe?"

"Possibly. It doesn't seem aggressive..."

Suddenly, the wolf's head jerks up and to the side, its ears perked and alert. Those piercing green eyes stare out into the woods. Rose wonders what the wolf can see that she's currently blind to. 

Before she can wonder too hard, the wolf turns and walks right up to them. Rose can’t help but let out a little squeak of alarm, a sort of primal terror welling up in her gut as she finds herself sure that now the wolf has decided to make a meal of them. Dave makes an equally ungraceful noise next to her. But the wolf pays no attention to that. 

Rose shuts her eyes tight, expecting to feel teeth and claws setting in, but instead, she feels a giant muzzle against her back, pushing her away. Rose just manages to crack an eye open. Dave is similarly petrified next to her, and the wolf pushes him forward too, though it adds an almost dog-like lick to his cheek.

Dave also looks as though he’s about to pass out, and Rose can feel him leaning even more of his weight against her. Even still, the wolf keeps nudging them, pushing them both back towards the exit to the trail. It's trying to communicate, Rose realizes. It's trying to tell them to leave. She knows that dogs and wolves are intelligent creatures, of course, but this level of intelligence is almost uncanny. She feels her heart jump.

This must be what she's looking for. The reason she moved out to this town to begin with. A terrible, possibly life-ending thought strikes her - she can get a sample straight from the source.

Very slowly, she tucks her flashlight in the front of her jacket to free one of her hands. She catches Dave sending her a look, but she handily ignores it. Then, she reaches out and grabs onto a bit of fur around the scruff of the wolf’s neck. 

She pulls. 

The wolf yelps and growls at her, and Rose flinches back with a clump of fur. She expects a bite or _something_ for that, but all that it does is shove her forward more insistently. Rose clutches onto the fur tightly, and lets go of Dave's waist for just an instant so that she can hand him the flashlight. The wolf growls and shoves them forward again.

“I think he wants us out of here,” Dave mumbles, giving her a strange look. “Like. In the nicest way possible, I think he’s trying to kick us out.”

“I think you’re right-” Rose agrees, just in time to hear another wolf howling. She feels her blood freeze, and the wolf pushes even more insistently now, actually whining as it tries to get them to leave. 

“Fuck-” Dave starts moving, and Rose is forced to follow or risk letting him fall flat on his face. “Rose, I don’t know what’s got this guy so scared, but I don’t want to find out. We gotta get out of here.” 

“Right.” Rose reluctantly follows him, though she looks over her shoulder as they start to hobble down the trail. Once they get moving, the wolf hangs back, though it stares at them intently as they stagger away. Rose can't help but be reminded of the friend to waits to drive away until they see you get to the front door safely.

Just as they’re about to round a bend, another large shape bursts through the foliage next to the wolf, growling and snarling. Dave shines the flashlight back for just a moment at the sound of noise, and Rose catches a brief glimpse of what's happening.

She sees one vivid blue eye before they disappear behind the cover of the trees.

\----

Rose doesn’t let go of the patch of fur she’s taken until she and Dave are well situated back at home, trying to catch their breaths and recover from whatever it was they stumbled upon. Her first action is to shove the fur into a plastic bag.

Dave squints at her when he sees that, giving her the biggest stink-eye possible. “Rose. Are you fucking serious. You did not grab hair off of the gigantic hell beast that we encountered tonight.”

Well, now she can’t help but be a little bit smug. “That is exactly what I did. I plucked some fur off of its back, just before the other wolf barged in on us. I think that this will be very important. You know that wasn’t a normal wolf.”

Dave heaves out a long sigh. “Yeah. No. No way that was a normal wolf. It was like a giant of teeth and fur and probably pure evil? What the fuck, in all honesty.”

“In all honesty,” Rose agrees. With her sample secured on the kitchen counter, she goes to sit down on their couch, taking in a deep breath. She desperately needs some air. “I have to admit that I’m a little surprised that my theories are… vindicated. I wasn’t expecting a wolf, per se, but I’ve definitely discovered some manner of megafauna.”

Dave limps over and plops himself down next to her. More surprisingly, he wraps an arm around her shoulder. Rose’s eyebrows raise slightly, but she doesn’t question it. They’re both a bit shaken; he probably needs the physical contact.

She allows herself to lean into him, just for now. She knows she should be insisting that he get his ankle looked at, but the warmth is too nice to pass up.

“Okay,” he says, “but can you promise me that you’re not going to go charging off into the wilds next time? Because this is really unfair to me and to everybody that you know. You could have gotten us killed.”

“You didn’t have to come along, Dave,” Rose reminds him. “I intended to make this a solo trip.”

“You’re saying that like it makes things any better. Rose, what the hell? It makes me feel like ten times worse to know that you could have been out there by yourself, armed with only a flashlight and a shitty sense of self-preservation, trying to find the biggest and most hulking wolf-beast ever known to man.”

“As it so happened, that wolf-beast was quite friendly,” Rose says. “I would have been fine.”

“Yeah, sure, the one we ran into was nice and friendly. But we don’t know that all of the wolf beasts out there are nice and friendly. Because it definitely seemed pretty damn intent on making sure that we did not meet its friend.”

Rose lets out a sigh. “You do raise a valid point there. Whatever leapt out at it did not sound... pleasant..” A small quirk of her lips. “Though that first wolf did seem to like you quite a bit. It gave you quite the lick.”

“Ugh, yeah, he did give me quite the lick. Like, I appreciate sloppy makeouts and all, but not from giant wolf-beasts. Cute girls or guys are my most immediate preference, followed by every other human on the planet, and then wolves are pretty low down there on the list.”

“Not big on furries, then?” Rose quips.

“Rose, that's not even a question you need to ask. You know my opinion on furries."

She smirks. "Or so you claim." 

Rose leaves it there, and Dave doesn't have anything to add to that, so they simply sit there. Rose finds herself intensely aware of how close she is to Dave right now. He’s got his arm around her, and she is leaning into that arm, and he is very warm. They've done a lot of touching tonight, she thinks. Touching and risking their lives together.

Rose doesn’t really know what comes over her, but she leans up and kisses him.

It doesn’t last long. Dave doesn’t kiss back, and Rose politely pulls back after a moment, feeling ridiculous for the heat that’s risen to her cheeks. “Well,” she says, clearing her throat and standing up. “I suppose that’s that. I’m sorry for worrying you. Do you need help looking at your ankle?”

She looks back to Dave to judge his reaction, which at the moment is stunned silence. Soon after, he shakes his head and regains his senses.

“Oh, yeah. I mean, no. It'll be fine. I'm just gonna... limp to bed. It’s been a long day. Long night. Long period of time, definitely.” He stands up as well, and looks like he’s about to bring his hand to his lips, but he passes them in favor of using the arm couch to rest his weight on. He wobbles a little “Sweet dreams and everything. Try not to let the hulking wolf-beasts bite.”

“Very funny, Dave,” Rose says, though there’s no humor left in her voice. She quietly goes to her bedroom, glancing back over her shoulder one more time to look at him. She wonders if maybe she should insist on getting his ankle seen to, but tonight she is simply too tired. “Get some sleep.”

She shuts her door just after she hears him mumble, “You too.”


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo it's been almost eight months since Chapter 6 came out but hey! I'm still here! Still churning out Homestuck fic!
> 
> Anyways this past year has been pretty difficult and demotivating, hence the massive delay, but! Both me and this chapter somehow made it through. Not sure how the writing or art holds up because I am out of practice, but it's here!
> 
> I'm not even going to make a prediction of when the next chapter will be here since that just seems like setting myself up for failure at this point, but rest assured it will happen someday.

John wakes up in the morning, feeling like he had slept for far too long, and yet not gotten enough sleep at the same time. He checks the clock by his bedside table to see if maybe he had just overslept, wanting to calculate how long it had been since he’d gone to sleep. He remembers a little bit of last night. It was starting to get a bit cold, so Jade had suggested the two of them have hot chocolate. And from there…

He can't remember. He's tucked neatly into bed, though, so he must have made it to his bedroom somehow. Whatever. He’ll probably remember once he's woken up a bit more.

After checking the time, John checks his phone. Fifteen new messages, and all fifteen of those new messages are from Dave Strider. John rolls his eyes but opens up the chat with Dave, wondering what sort of new, gross metaphor his friend has decided to grace him with this morning.

Dave [10/27/15 8:25 PM]: so hey john youre never gonna guess what me and rose are gonna do tonight   
Dave [10/27/15 8:30 PM]: wow hey youre totally not guessing this is unfair   
Dave [10/27/15 8:31 PM]: here this is me imitating you guessing   
Dave [10/27/15 8:31 PM]: gee willikers, dave! could you and rose be…. SMOOCHING?   
Dave [10/27/15 8:32 PM]: no my dear jonathan we are not smooching even though rose is definitely lusting after my luxurious lips here i mean who wouldnt be   
Dave [10/27/15 8:34 PM]: i know that i sure am, dave! ;)   
Dave [10/27/15 8:34 PM]: anyways were going out hunting for some sort of hell beast in the woods tonight so if you wanna tag along you totally should it should make for a good time   
Dave [10/27/15 8:35 PM]: you know assuming we dont get eaten   
Dave [10/27/15 8:35 PM: but haha what are the chances that roses supposed horrorbeast is actually out there right like slim to impossible   
Dave [10/27/15 8:37 PM]: anyways you seem to be ignoring me and im guessing its because i called you jonathan so im just gonna sign off for the night ill let you know how horrific beast hunting goes and detail exactly how many limbs we lose because its gonna be a lot im sure   
Dave [10/28/15 1:08 AM]: john holy shit   
Dave [10/28/15 1:08 AM]: holy SHIT   
Dave [10/28/15 1:08 AM]: holy shit   
Dave [10/28/15 1:09 AM]: roses monster is real   
Dave [10/28/15 1:09 AM]: HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

John squints at the messages long and hard, not sure that he’s seeing things right. So Dave saw some sort of monster last night? That doesn't make any sense. Not from Dave. John would have expected this kind of thing from Rose. He likes Rose - he likes her a lot - but when it comes right down to it, she buys a little too deeply into conspiracy theories for John to take her seriously. Dave, on the other hand, has always seemed like the tag along skeptic. If _he’s_ thinking that there’s some kind of monster out there, then maybe there’s some merit to it.

That, or he’s trying to pull a prank. 

In fact, the more that John thinks about it, the more likely the pranking option actually sounds. Dave would know that he seems to be the logical one of the two of them, so of course he’d be the one to actually claim to have seen something. Well, John won’t be fooled! 

John [10/28/15 8:13 AM]: yes that is exactly the reason that i stopped texting you last night. it is because just hearing the name jonathan causes me to go into an intolerable rage. i threw a vase. you owe me twenty bucks.   
John [10/28/15 8:13 AM]: also haha very funny dave! i definitely believe that you saw a monster.    
John [10/28/15 8:14 AM]: and i definitely believe that you went out into the wilds on your own volition and did not manage to scare off everything within a mile wide radius.   
John [10/28/15 8:14 AM]: your feet are like anchors!   
John [10/28/15 8:15 AM]: really heavy noisy anchors. you probably saw a big rock and got scared or something.   
John [10/28/15 8:15 AM]: also i do NOT say gee willikers and i never will!   
John [10/28/15 8:15 AM]: apart from me saying it just there, i guess. but that doesn’t count and you know it.

John shakes his head and gives it a few minutes to see if Dave is actually awake or not, but as his phone remains quiet, and John figures that he’s safe from a barrage of texts. At least for now.

That established, it's time to get ready for the day. John stretches up and rolls out of bed, shuffling his way into the bathroom. However, as he starts making his way down the hallway, his powers of observation kick in. Something is wrong. There's mud tracked into the house, along with a few assorted leaves and pieces of foliage. He ends up following this trail of outdoor garbage to the hall bathroom that he and Jade both share, though as of now, it’s empty.

He does notice that there’s a bit of gunk in the bathtub and grumbles. He sure hopes Jade is going to clean this, because there's no way he's going to. From there, he goes about his normal routine, brushing his teeth, trying to see if his hair can be at all tamed (it can’t) and washing his face. 

With that accomplished, it's time to take Jade to task for making a mess of their shared living space. With another yawn, he shuffles back off down the hallway and knocks on Jade’s door. He’s not surprised to see it closed, but given that the trail of dirt and grass seems fresh, he’s assuming that she’s still awake.

“Jade!” he yells, making sure his voice is loud and obnoxious enough that she can’t ignore it. “Are you up? You need to clean up the bathroom!”

He can hear the rustling of sheets, a grumbled response, and then nothing.

“Jade!” he says again. “I heard that. I know that you are definitely awake, and I am not going to let you avoid me! If you don’t get out here and clean your mess now, then I’m going in!”

More grumbling, more sheets rustling, but no signs that she's taking responsibility for her actions. By the same token, she also doesn't give John any reason that he can't come in, so he opens her door and steps inside.

Jade’s room looks about the same as ever. Squiddles plushies are scattered all over the floor, next to some mechanical gizmos that John can only begin to guess at the purpose of. And on Jade’s bed is a bundle of blankets and a couple of twigs that he can only assume to be his friend. John clear his throat.

“Jade,” he says. He sees the bundle of blankets twitch a little bit. “Do you care to explain to me what happened to the bathroom? Because when I was in there yesterday, it was totally clean and entirely dirt free! But now do you know what’s in there Jade?”

He waits for a moment before he finally gets a sort of pathetic sounding, “What?”

“A lot of dirt. And leaves! How do you suppose those got there?”

It looks like the pile of blankets shrugs, and so John takes that as his cue to continue his little speech here. Jade may be his dearest friend and roommate, but she really has a thing or two to learn about keeping a clean home.

“I am thinking that a certain person whose name started with J and ends in ade went out to run in the woods last night and couldn’t be bothered to clean up after herself when she came home in the morning! Am I right?”

He can hear a small grumble under the sheets, and Jade emerges. However, when John finally catches sight of her, most of his anger dissipates. She looks terrible - her face is bandaged and bruised, and she has twigs and bits of foliage sticking out of her hair.

“Woah, Jade. Holy shit. What happened to you?”

She lets out a sigh as she sits up. “Well, it is like you said! I went out for a walk in the woods, but it was still dark out, so I tripped and fell. And I hurt too much when I got back in, so I didn’t bother cleaning up after myself. Because I thought that a certain roommate of mine might be able to handle having a dirty bathroom for a couple of minutes while I got some shut-eye!”

John can’t help himself from fretting at least a little bit, however, and he goes to sit down on the edge of her bed so that he can cup her cheeks and get a better look at you. “Geez. I didn’t think you were this clumsy Jade! You really did a number on yourself!”

Jade gently bats his hand away, looking beyond embarrassed. “I know already! This is not something that I am proud to admit, John. It hurts and I’m sore all over, and I just want to rest up right now!”

John knows that this is probably a social cue to leave Jade alone so that she can recover, but he’s way too worried about her to leave. “Okay, but Jade, if you’re going to trip over things and get yourself hurt, then you can’t go out by yourself! That’s a really bad idea!”

Jade lets out a sigh. “John…”

“No, I’m serious! What kind of friend am I if I just let you go out and get yourself hurt in the woods in the middle of the night?” Then Dave’s texts creep into his mind. “And you know, I heard that there was some sort of wild animal out in the woods last night. What if that had gotten you?”

Jade’s eyes widen in surprise, and she stares at him like he's just spoken in tongues. “A wild animal? How do you know?”

“Well, Rose and Dave were also kind of out there?” John shrugs. “I got a text from Dave this morning, and apparently they saw something. I’m guessing that it was just a wolf that looked bigger than they were expecting it to, but the point remains! If you trip and fall even a normal wolf could easily kill you and gobble you up! You need to be careful!”

Jade shifts uncomfortably in her bed, frowning deeply. “What did Dave say about the wolf?” she asks. “I mean- were they close to where we live at all? Do you know?”

“He didn’t really say much. Actually, I think that basically all he said was ‘holy shit,’ over and over again, until he finally went to bed.” John shrugs. “And they went out at that easy trail that I showed them the first week that they were here. Which isn’t that close, I guess, but a wolf could definitely run between here and there a couple of times in one night! It’s still very dangerous.”

Jade exhales, dragging a hand through her hair. Her fingers get caught on a twig. “I guess you’re right. I’ll be more careful.” She burrows under the covers a little bit, and John can’t help but feel guilty.

“Well, how about I make you breakfast?” he offers. “You know, as an apology for being a bad roommate and bursting into your room to yell at you about the bathroom. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you still definitely have to clean it! But I can wait a little while before I need to worry about taking a bath.”

Jade’s eyes crinkle up a little bit, and even though her mouth is currently hidden by the bedsheets, John has the distinct feeling that she’s smiling. “That sounds great,” she says. “Thank you.”

“So do you have any requests, or are you going to leave the fate of your breakfast up to chance?” John asks.

“Bacon?”

John gives her his best encouraging grin. “You’ve got it.”

\----

It’s about one in the afternoon when, much to John’s surprise, he gets a phone call from Rose. It’s the first time that he can remember either Dave or Rose calling him up, in fact - they both had struck him as the type of people who exclusively texted, regardless of the situation.

He picks it up, half-expecting a butt dial. “Hello?”

“John?” It's definitely Rose’s voice and not the sound of rustling fabric. Her voice is a bit raspier than usual, but there's an undercurrent of excitement too.

“Yeah, this is John. What’s up Rose?”

“Dave and I went into the woods last night,” she says. “And we found it. The megafauna - a wolf. Two of them in fact, though we didn’t get much of a chance to see the second one, as we were running, but-”

“Woah, woah, Rose. Slow down! A wolf isn’t that exciting. I mean, I guess that two wolves are kind of scary and all, but they’re not a big discovery. We have wolves around here. That’s nothing new!” 

He can practically hear her rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone. “John. Please. I know what a normal sized wolf looks like, and this was a far cry from one. It stood at least five feet high from snout to toe - possibly taller.”

John tries to envision that, holding a hand up near his chest, about where five feet hit him. “Okay, I guess that is kind of big. But it was dark, right? And you were probably scared. You might have over-estimated the size because of that!”

“It is not an over-estimate. Even if it were, the wolf was highly intelligent. It was trying to push us away from the trail when another wolf was on its way, as though it was trying to save us. That speaks to it being a sentient creature, and while I have no doubt that normal wolves are very intelligent creatures, this is the first time I have heard of them trying to save humans from one of their own.”

John shrugs, even though he realizes that Rose won't be able to see it over the phone. “Just because it's not common knowledge doesn't mean that there can't just be one nice, but still totally normal wolf out there. Maybe it is a wolf vegetarian?”

Rose scoffs. “We saw the deer carcass, John. I highly doubt that the wolf is a vegetarian.”

“Okay, maybe not a vegetarian, but _like_ a vegetarian. Only the only meat it avoids is human meat?”

“John, you're being ridiculous. At this point, it's much easier to believe that I've stumbled upon a new, wolf-like species than to say that I've just stumbled upon a very intelligent and sympathetic wolf, who also happens to be very big, and prefers the safety of humans over the full belly of its kin. Occam’s razor.”

“Who's razor? I don't think we should shave the wolves, Rose.”

He hears a huge _sigh_ on the other end of the phone that makes him bite his lip to stop himself from bursting out into laughter. Maybe it’s a little bit unfair to laugh at Rose for having a normal reaction to feigned ignorance, but still. It’s funny! 

“Occam’s razor is a philosophical concept which states that the simplest solution is usually the best one, and therefore the correct one. However, I have the sneaking suspicion you already knew that, and just wanted to get my goat.”

“I am a prankster at heart, Rose,” John tells her solemnly.

“But on the topic of taking hair away from the wolf, that is actually exactly what I did.”

John squints, as though this will help him hear what Rose just said a little bit better. “Wait, wait. You shaved the wolf? You’re shitting me.”

He can practically hear her self-satisfied smirk from over the phone. “Only slightly. I didn’t shave it, but I did get quite the clump of fur from the scruff around its neck. I’ll be sealing it and sending it off to my mother’s laboratory to get the sample DNA analyzed. Then we will know for sure whether or not this is in fact a wolf or something else that we’re dealing with here.”

“Well. I’m pretty sure you’re going to just find out that it is a wolf, but at least you are going about this in the real science way,” John grants. 

“As opposed to the fake science way?”

“Yeah! You know, rather than you taking a picture, sending it to a couple of tabloids and saying that you had proved that wolfmen are real or something.”

Rose laughs. “Yes, that is decidedly fake science. Regardless, I wanted to call to see if you’d like to come over and see the sample before we send it off? Jade is welcome to tag along as well, but I felt I’d call you first. I’m sure that Dave is already regaling her with every detail of last night.”

“Well, right now Jade is cleaning out the bathtub,” John says, craning his head a little to peek into the bathroom. Sure enough, there's Jade, dutifully scrubbing away. He quiets his voice a little for his next statement. “But... they are getting kind of close, aren’t they?”

“They are.” There’s something weird in Rose’s voice there - something that John can’t quite place, even though he tries. 

“Do you think they’re going to make it official soon?” John sits back on the couch, idly toying with a stray string fraying from the edges of one of the pillows. “I mean, they’ve been on a couple dates now, right? And it seems like they have all gone pretty well!”

“It’s possible,” Rose says, a little dismissively. 

John peers around, just to make sure that Jade is still wrapped up in cleaning the tub. She doesn't show any obvious signs of eavesdropping.

“Um. Rose, are you okay?”

“Yes, John. I am fine. I might have found evidence that will prove that my search for a monster was not unfounded, and will undoubtedly rock the scientific community, securing my name as a household name in a few years. I am ecstatic.” She does not sound ecstatic.

“No, I mean, not about the sciencey thing. Obviously that is cool and I am very happy for you and stuff like that. But… when it comes to the two of them. You just seem kind of prickly about it? Rather than being excited that your friend might have a girlfriend soon.”

There’s silence on the other end, but it doesn’t sound like Rose has hung up. John chews on his lip for a moment before he prompts her.

“Uh. Do you like Dav-”

“Perhaps,” Rose cuts in suddenly, “I am simply worried about the emotional status of one of my dearest friends. Dave and I are close, and relationships are tricky and unstable, especially at the beginning. I do not want to see him get hurt.”

“What?” John frowns a bit. “Rose, I am the one who needs to worry about Jade getting hurt! Dave is like, this coolkid wannabe who would probably give her the cold shoulder just because he thinks it’s what he’s supposed to do to make her more attracted to him or whatever.”

Rose laughs at the other end. “I can assure you that Dave is the least likely person to stop texting just to seem cool. I do not think he is capable of putting his phone down for more than a few minutes. If separated from his phone for longer than an hour, I believe his heart would simply stop and give out. He is not the ignoring type, trust me.”

“Well… neither is Jade!” John insists. “She is really sweet, and honestly anybody would be lucky to date her. But I do not know for sure yet that Dave actually deserves her!”

Rose gives a little huff on her end. “Deserve her? Those aren’t the kind of words that we use to describe romantic relationships, John. It only leads to feelings of inadequacy, which I assure you Dave already has plenty of.”

John starts at that information. “Wait- what?”

“Sorry. It’s not really my place to divulge such information. Patient-doctor confidentiality and all-”

“Rose, you’re not a doctor-”

“-and regardless, I think we are at an impasse. We are both worried that our respective roommates will be hurt by the other’s respective roommate, as we don’t yet know them well enough to make a decision about how much of a heartbreaker they may or may not be. We cannot proceed until we have more information.” 

“Uh. Yeah. I guess?” John sighs, running a hand through his hair. Man, how did they even get onto this topic of conversation? 

“Plus, it is not really any of our business what sort of relationship they may or may not enter into in the next few days, so we really shouldn’t be trying to poke our noses into it.” John isn't sure who Rose is trying to convince more with that comment - him or herself.

Regardless, he is happy to play along. “Yeah. I guess you have a point. It’s kind of silly to gossip about this. Like what, are we in high school?”

“Of course we aren't. We are full grown adults who live in houses and pay taxes." Her voice sounds warmer, and John can imagine the small smile on her face with such clarity he might as well be staring right at her. "Now, to return to my previous question - would you be interested in coming over at some point today, to see the evidence I’ve gathered? Once again, Jade is more than welcome to accompany you." A pause. "And... perhaps, if you'd like to stay over a little longer, we could find a horror movie on Netflix to watch together.”

John perks up at that. He hasn’t forgotten the movie snub from earlier - this is a chance to redeem himself, sort of. “Yeah. That sounds awesome! I’ll ask Jade as soon as I’m done cleaning up.”

“Well then, I look forward to seeing you tonight.” 

Even though John knows she can't see him, he can’t help a dorky grin. “I'll see you then!”


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the rate I'm going, this fic will be completed by the time I am 50 years old. But hey, we're still going!
> 
> Anyways, usual apologies for being out of practice in the art and writing departments, in addition to apologies for this chapter primarily being two adults sitting down and talking about their feelings and the current state of their relationship, which does not make for the most riveting narrative.
> 
> but you know what, this is fanfiction and there are no rules, so i will do what i want
> 
> Realistically I'd expect the next chapter before the end of summer, but it's also a chapter I'm going to need to do some major rewrites on, and my update schedule has never ever been good, so take that with a big ol' grain of salt.

John returns from Dave and Rose's after nine o' clock, and it's only Jade's curiosity that keeps her awake to see him return home. She's still exhausted from her visit to the woods the night before, and though her wounds are all properly tended to, soreness is starting to set in. She sits on the couch in front of the TV, unwilling to move. She's half considering just spending the night here in order to avoid the short walk to go to bed, even if she knows that sleeping on the couch will only make her soreness worse. 

She perks up when she hears John's car pulling into the driveway, and she sits up straight, trying to look alert and presentable. She hates that John saw her this morning, exhausted and beat up. She doesn't like looking weak in front of anybody - especially not him. While she knows her face is still a horrific sight, bandaged and bruised as it is, she can at least look alert and throw on a smile to fool him into thinking she's okay.

When John walks in, he's wearing a smile of his own. He jumps a little when he sees Jade on the couch, then laughs when he realizes what he's done. "Geez, Jade. I thought you'd be asleep by now!" he says, throwing his car keys into the key bowl they keep near the door. 

"It's not that late!" Jade responds. "I've stayed up a lot later than this before."

"Well, yeah, but I guess I just thought since you were so out of it this morning, you'd want to turn in early." John shrugs, then sits down next to her on the couch. There's a sense of ease about him that Jade can't remember seeing on him before.

"How did your trip to Dave and Rose's go?" she asks. 

"Good!" he says. "I'm sorry you weren't able to come. I guess that they found a monster in the woods yesterday. I mean, it was probably just a wolf? But it sounded kind of cool. Apparently, it was trying to protect them from another wolf or something." 

Even though John's words are dismissive, there is an excitable energy to the way he's talking, like he can't quite sit still. Jade feels her stomach sink; it's all she can do to keep smiling.

"Really? That's pretty weird. What are they going to do about it? I mean... did they get any evidence? Pictures or something?"

John shakes his head. "No - they got something better if you can believe it? Rose actually got a sample of its fur. She showed me and everything! It's super dark and thick."

It is an active effort for Jade not to run her hands through her hair. "Really?" She realizes she sounds like a broken record. "What is she going to do with the fur? I don't think showing it to a newspaper will be enough to prove that she's found anything. Nobody will believe her."

"No - she's sending it off to a lab, actually. To get its DNA scanned." 

"Oh! That's very... scientific of them!"

"That's what I said!" John laughs a little bit, and Jade forces a laugh too. 

"What do you think the results will be?" she asks because she doesn't know the answer herself. There is a part of her that is very curious, but that one part curiosity is buried under ten parts of fear. This is the closest that anybody has ever gotten.

"Oh, it's probably a wolf. Like, they're both from the city, they probably just got freaked out by how big wolves actually are. It probably won't be anything new." John rolls his eyes to try and act like he's above their monster hunting, like he's _so sure_ that the DNA test will just say "wolf." But there is a glint in his eyes that is clearly asking the question "but what if it's not?"

Jade finally brushes back some of her hair and stands up, not sure how much longer she can continue to sit here and smile like nothing is wrong. "Well, I'll be interested to see what comes back! It should be a week or two, right?" 

"I guess so?" John shrugs. "You're the science-y one, not me."

Jade answers her own question. "It depends on the lab, I guess, and how much of the DNA they're sequencing. I hope the sample doesn't get contaminated or anything!"

She definitely hopes that the sample gets contaminated with something.

\---

“Jade. Hello. Earth to Jade. Everything okay up there?”

Jade shakes her head, snapping herself out of her thoughts and taking in her surroundings. A nice restaurant - one of the nicest in town - and she’s halfway through one of the most delicious steaks of her life. She’s out on another date with Dave right now. Dave, who is funny and cute and wonderful, who she really wishes were here under other circumstances. Then again, she wishes that she herself was here under other circumstances.

“Yes! I am fine. I was just thinking a little bit about the latest Squiddles movie. I mean, it has been out for a month at this point, but there is still an awful lot to digest about it, you know?” In truth, her mind had wandered back to that baseline anxiety about when Rose's lab results would come in, but she knows that she's got enough of a reputation as a space cadet to get away with it.

“Uh. Sure.” Dave gives her a weird look. “Do I even wanna know what brought up the idea of a children’s cartoon show with a bunch of cartoon squids in it, or should I just let that one fly over my head like a deftly thrown piece of shit?”

Jade hides a giggle behind her hand, even if her heart’s not really into it at all. “It is better that you do not know! The secrets of my mind are inscrutable Dave.”

“Well shit. Never knew you were such a boundless mystery there.”

Jade nods. “Yes, that is me. I am the most mysterious person on the planet. I have so many secrets, Dave!”

Dave’s face suddenly gets very serious. Which is to say that it doesn’t change very much at all, but the small smile tugging at his lips fades, and he looks at her from over the top of his shades. “Jade,” he says, and her heart nearly stops. “I need you to be honest with me. How many bodies have you buried?” 

This is a joke, right? It has to be. Jade tries to match his expression, line faced and looking at him over the top of her glasses. “Well, I would tell you,” she says, dead serious. “But then I would have to kill you.”

“Holy shit,” Dave says, and then he can’t hold back a snort of laughter. He pushes his shades back up his nose and settles back in the booth at the restaurant. “You got me good there, Jade. Excellent work. A+.”

Another small giggle, hidden behind her hand to hide the fact that she isn't actually smiling. “Thank you! I try my very best.”

"You should be proud," Dave tells her, a flicker of a smile crossing his face before it's gone again. He takes a deep sigh and rolls his shoulders. “Okay, but I do actually want to be serious here. Just for a second.” Jade can hear a soft drumming sound from under the table - something that normal humans would likely be unable to hear, but it comes easily to hers. He’s clearly nervous about this, whatever it is. And whatever’s making Dave nervous is enough to make her at least a little bit nervous too.

“What’s up?” she asks, sobering up a little bit. She doesn’t want to try and joke with him when he’s actually trying to be open with her. She just hopes that this isn’t what she thinks it is.

“Well. You know. I was just thinking that.” He’s gesturing vaguely with one hand, but one hand remains below the table to jitter, unseen. “We’ve been doing this whole datey thing for… well, a few weeks now?”

“Something like that,” Jade agrees. Suddenly, she knows exactly where this is going. It wasn't where she thought Dave was bringing this conversation, but somehow it's just as painful. 

“Yeah. And I was just wondering if you had any thoughts about calling this official? I mean, I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but I really like you. And I’m… fine with being exclusive.”

The way he’s worded that pings Jade as odd - that he's _fine_ with it, not that he really wants to be - but she sees little reason to call him out for it. Jade pokes at her steak, mulling it over. “You want to be official, then?” she repeats.

Dave takes a sharp breath that most people wouldn't be able to hear, but Jade catches it. “Uh, yeah. I’d like to. If you’d like to. But no pressure if you don’t want to, I mean the dates are still fun even if they’re not actually leading to nothing, it’s good enough just spending time with you, shooting the breeze, acting real chill, that sort of shit, you know, so really don’t feel obligated to do anything to spare my feelings…”

“It’s… complicated?” Jade offers. That much is true at least. “I really do like you. A lot! And I agree that we have hit it off and that you are very fun to go on dates with and kiss and joke with.”

Dave sighs. “But?”

“But… well, it’s complicated!”

“Yeah, you have communicated this to me already. I think I’m getting that it’s complicated. I guess what I’m asking here is why? What is the but. What is stopping you from wanting to be my girlfriend if you like me and like spending time with me?” A pause, and his face mouth twists a bit at his own words. “Wait, shit, forget that didn’t come out sounding like I’m the biggest self-entitled asshole. Sorry. It’s cool if you don’t want to be official. It'd just be nice to know why?” 

Jade tries to think of a way to phrase this, spinning ideas in her head that give him enough information to be satisfying while still not giving anything away. Just as she's about to open her mouth to speak, Dave beats her to the punch.

“Wait. Are you into somebody else? Is that the issue?” He squints. “Who is it? Is it Rose?” Jade’s unable to tell if he’s joking right now, and she finds herself laughing despite herself. “I knew it. She always manages to woo every single girl that we’ve ever befriended. It’s like some super lesbian power.”

Jade shakes her head, still laughing. “Rose is very pretty, and I would not mind getting to know her better, but no! She has not wooed me.”

Dave tilts his head to the side. “Okay. Who else do we even know? John?”

“Um-” How to tell Dave that he’s on the wrong track?

“Holy shit, you’re into John. I fucking knew it.”

“Dave, I never said that!” And yet Jade can’t deny at least the smallest amount of truth to it. Why else would she go through so much trouble to make sure that he was able to move to a new city with her? He was her best friend, sure, but she couldn’t really pretend that her feelings were entirely platonic.

“Okay. Okay. If you can look at me and say with a straight face, ‘I am not into John Egbert even a little bit,’ then I will believe you.” 

Jade groans. “Dave! This is ridiculous!”

Dave's lips are quirking into the slightest hint of a smile. “This sounds a lot like you are trying to deflect, Jade. Really, I’m not gonna be mad if you’re into him. I get it. He’s a catch of a guy.”

Jade hides her face behind her hands. She hates the fact that she's actually a little bit charmed by this. “Okay. Then you do it! Look me in the eye and tell me that you are not into him even a little bit, either!”

“You gotta look at me first.”

“Fine.”

Jade does her best to get her game face together, pulls her hand away from her face, and stares Dave dead on. He stares back at her with an impeccable poker face.

“I am… probably a little bit into John Egbert.”

Jade lets out a snort of laughter out of instinct which she quickly hides behind her hand, and Dave pulls back. He actually looks a little offended.

“Woah. Way to respect my feelings there, Jade.”

“No, no, I’m sorry! I was just.. not expecting that, at all!” She waves a hand next to her face, trying to calm down and collect herself a little bit. “Um- but are you telling the truth? You actually like him?”

Dave shrugs. “Like. You know. A little. He's got this weird..." He makes a vague hand motion. "Air about him, I guess, that reels you in while also kind of infuriating you? It's the kind of thing I can ignore if you want to be exclusive. I'm not jonesing to bone down on him or nothing. But if you don’t want to be exclusive just because you’ve got a huge crush on your roommate then, like, I can kind of dig it?”

Jade shakes her head. “That’s strangely open of you.”

“What can I say? Living in New York City for a few years can really change a guy.” Dave waggles his eyebrows at her, and Jade laughs. God, she just wished that John was the real reason that she was hesitant to start a relationship with him.

“Well, I am proud of you for becoming more open-minded. Really! That is a great thing, and it is a very positive development for you as a whole. But…”

“But what. You have not yet managed to say to me, with a straight face, that you are not at least a little bit interested in kissing John Egbert’s ridiculous buck-toothed face.” Dave stares her down, peering over the top of his shades. “Come on, convince me here Jade. Unless it is Rose after all, and you’re just an incredibly wily person.”

“No, no! Um.” Jade does her best to compose herself and pull a straight face, staring directly at Dave. “I… okay, I am a little bit into John. He's weirdly charming! But that is not the reason that I don’t think that a relationship is the best idea.”

Dave pushes his shades up again, and suddenly the playful atmosphere from a moment ago seems to have evaporated. “Okay,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “So what is your reason then? Is it something I'm doing?"

Jade shakes her head earnestly. "No! Really, you're great Dave. It's not you, it's..." She trails off, realizing the cliche she's about to use before she even says it. Dave's eyebrows go up a notch, but thankfully he doesn't seem set on calling her on it. 

"Alright. So it's not me." A pause. "So are you, like, actually a super spy, and you’re scared of anybody getting close to you, so you push them away in order to seem cool and detached? Because on the one hand I respect you trying not to get me pulled into that mess and all, but on the other hand, come on Jade, we all know that the person you push away ends up getting pulled into these messes regardless of whether or not you push them away, so you might as well enjoy some quality time with me as your very quality boyfriend.”

Despite everything, Jade can't help a small giggle, hidden behind her hand again. “No, it’s nothing like that,” she says. “It’s… a personal thing."

“Is it a recent thing?” he asks.

Jade’s hands twist in her lap. She knows what he's really asking - was she going out on dates, knowing it wouldn't go anywhere? “Well. It’s a constant thing, but it sort of got… worse recently? So I thought that maybe when we started doing this, that I would be okay to have a real relationship with you, but something recently came up and now I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

“You’re really dodging around saying exactly what this problem is,” Dave notes. “Like, can I at least play twenty questions here? Get a sense of what it is?”

Jade shifts uncomfortably. “If you want to ask questions, I guess you can? But I won’t answer everything necessarily.” What are the chances that he'll actually hit on something close to the truth?

“Okay, so number one - are you ill in some way?”

“No? Not really.”

“Not really.” He tilts his head to the side, as though trying to get a better look at her. 

“I mean, I do have a chronic condition, but it’s not getting any worse, and it is not life-threatening,” Jade clarifies. “And that is not the main reason I am saying no.” Geez, this would be so much easier if she could just pretend that she didn’t like him! Then… well, she’d break his heart and crush his hopes. But at least he'd be able to move on.

“Okay, so not cancer? We’re not living in a John Green novel right now?”

Jade shakes her head. “It’s nothing like that.”

Dave is still giving her an intent look. “Okay, so there will be nothing that will suddenly be like, ‘oh whoops we woke up this morning and Jade is dead, if only she had warned us about this one specific thing we might have been able to help her or at least offer some fucking emotional support’?”

“No, nothing like that, I promise!” Jade is pretty sure she won't wind up dead, at least. 

“Okay, good, because if it was something like that, then I’d have to demand you tell me.” Dave brushes a hand through his hair a couple of times and then rearranges his utensils around his plate like he's not sure what else to do with them. “So. Then I guess the remaining question is where does that leave us now?”

Jade bites her lip. “...Friends?” 

“Well, yeah, I’d hope that would be the case,” Dave says. “Like at a bare minimum. Because not only would it be totally awkward to hang out with John after this if we stopped being friends, but like, I’d rather be in the friend zone than the jerk zone, you know? You’re awesome. I don’t want to stop hanging out with you just because we might have almost had a thing.”

Jade lets out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. “I feel exactly the same way!”

Dave moves his fork again, eyes flicking to and from her face. “So I guess the question is- is that all you want here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m just saying, there’s not like a distinct line between boyfriend and girlfriend and just being friends, you know?” He shrugs his shoulders like it’s not that big of a deal, even though they both know it is. “Like, there’s friends with benefits, even if those benefits are just kissing benefits. We could just be going on dates without the commitment. Decline to have a label, even if things get more serious, if it’s literally just the boyfriend-girlfriend thing you’re worried about.” A pause. “Or if you want, we can just stop the dates altogether and go back to being friends and only friends for now until forever.”

Jade has to bite back a smile. “No offense, but… I really didn’t expect you to be so polite about all of this!”

“Yeah, well. Like I said. New York City. Open-mindedness. It just kind of happens whether you want it to or not.” He shrugs again. “So what do you say?”

“I say… we keep doing what we are doing. With no labels.” She gives a small nod. “And we definitely keep it an open thing too. So if you want to date John, then you can!”

Dave snorts. “I appreciate the thought, but John doesn't seem like the type to be macking on dudes. Anyway, I don't think I'm up to courting that many people at once right now." He rubs the back of his neck, taking a deep breath. "Anyways - I’m just glad you want to keep going. Even if you’re not ready to take the next step because of personal reasons or whatever.”

“Which have nothing to do with you,” Jade reminds him because that part is especially important.

“Which have nothing to do with me,” Dave repeats solemnly, like he is taking an oath. “Yeah. Okay. I think I can jive with this.”

Jade smiles at him. “You think so?”

“I think so." 

From there, they shift topics onto simpler things. Jade laughs and enjoys every moment of it, and she only finds that she regrets sitting across from him because it means she has to reach across the table to be able to touch him. They split the check and before they part ways, Dave leans in to kiss her. Kissing Dave is far from unusual by now, but Jade still finds herself melting, and for a brief moment, she considers changing her mind, deciding to make things official.

Yet as she watches Dave limp back to his car, favoring his ankle, she knows she made the right decision.

There's no way she can let him know.


End file.
